Page 36 of The Fall I Fell

She suddenly gets into character and skulks towards me in an unnerving squat, and I bat her hands away with a laugh.

‘I was thinking of just going like this,’ I say.

‘What?’ She looks at me like I’m the one that looks insane right now. ‘Don’t be stupid. Stick your costume on. It’s tradition.’

‘I don’t want to look like an idiot,’ I mumble.

I think if Lizzie rolled her eyes any harder, they’d fall out of her head.

She gestures to the length of her body with an exaggerated expression. ‘It’s a cat costume, Ava, hardly pushing the boat out or challenging all the societal norms of teenage girls.’

She’s right, I’m being ridiculous. And if the person dressed like an overgrown naked baby with dental issues is telling you you’re being weird, that should probably be your wake-up call.

So, I stick on the ears, the tail, and the whiskers and follow Gollum over to Hope Farm, still with a limp in my step.

Mum’s already there with a glass of wine in her hand, helping Sian and Dave with the spread of hot dogs, fried onions, and various other finger foods. She’s found some devil horns from somewhere and swiped on her deepest red lipstick. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her dressed up before. She was always too busy to come to these parties, too swamped with work to make an exception for something so seemingly pointless.

All I can picture is Dad, alone in our house, with nothing but his laptop for company, working into the small hours because he has nothing better to do. I wonder if he’d have liked these parties, or even Hope Farm. I can hardly remember the last time he came here to visit, aside from Granny’s funeral of course.

Knowing that the only communication I’ve had with him are one-word texts, the guilt finally catches up with me. Taking out my phone, I pop him a quick Happy Halloween text with a photo of Lizzie and I in our costumes.

Brilliant.

Is Lizzie Gollum? Love it. Have the best time.

Miss you, kiddo.

Before I can get choked up at his replies, Sian spots us. At the sight of our costumes, she smiles so wide I’m surprised her fake fangs haven’t popped out.

‘Hi girls,’ Sian says, as she prepares a plate of lychees that she’s made to look like eyeballs, and pops them beside the little sausages that she’s meticulously carved into lady’s fingers. Sian Thorogood has always been the queen of Halloween, even in the years when her eldest son moaned at her for it being too babyish, or she had to hide out in the kitchen all night to avoid being spotted. Even when she knew she wouldn’t be appreciated, she still refused to let the magic die. ‘Make sure you grab a plate of food. There’s plenty so no need to go hungry.’

‘The boys are all out in the barn,’ Dave says. ‘But watch yourselves. I’ve let Will be in charge of the bonfire this year as a bribe to make him stay home and not go to some piss up somewhere in town, so just don’t get too close.’ Dave’s regret is clear on his face, and the concern on Mum’s and Sian’s is also impossible to hide.

‘Come on, let’s go!’ Lizzie slurs, the saliva collecting in her false teeth as she pulls me towards the door.

The smoke from the bonfire wafts in a thick stream across the yard and we cough and splutter with each step it takes to reach the barn. The place is already packed, some faces I recognise from college, others I don’t. But there’s one in particular that I can’t help but search for.

He’s not here. I knew deep down he wouldn’t come. Why would he? He hates crowds, always has, and Will’s smoke signals are enough to drive anyone away. Jacob is more than likely off with Pen somewhere, snogging in his truck or—

‘What’s wrong with your foot?’ His voice comes from over my shoulder and cuts straight through the cacophony of music and chatter, though it’s almost a whisper.

Whipping around, Jacob stands before me, wolf ears, tail, and whiskers all intact, and a smile just for additional damage.

‘You’re here?’ I breathe, trying to remind myself of the talk I gave myself only an hour ago.

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ He furrows his eyebrows, as though expecting a better reception.

‘I thought you’d be off somewhere with Pen.’ I can’t stop myself from saying it and he sighs. ‘I thought this wouldn’t be your kind of thing any more.’ I gesture to his costume, and he looks down at himself, confusion peppering his expression.

‘The costume? You and your granny made this for me, and I’ve worn it for years. It’s pretty much a tradition at this point. I wore it last year too, hoping you’d turn up last minute. Looked a bit of a fool on my own.’

All he does is mess with my head. One minute, he’s the person I’ve always known, in the next, he’s a stranger with a girlfriend and I can’t keep letting my guard down. I can’t keep falling like this.

Turning from him, I begin to walk away, but he grasps me by the arm before I can put any distance between us. ‘You still haven’t told me what you’ve done to your foot.’

I can’t stop the anger from bubbling through me. ‘A mixture of thorns and splinters, if you must know.’

‘From the treehouse? Why didn’t you stop and let me help you?’ Genuine concern presses on his features. ‘I’m sure I have my old bug collecting kit still stashed there somewhere.’