Page 20 of The Fall I Fell

‘I just want it sold. I’m not bothered about maximising the profit or anything like that, just get it on the market.’ I hold my breath as I listen to her speak. When Mum’s on the phone, it’s usually work related and nothing that interests me, but for some reason, I can’t pull myself away from this conversation. ‘It’s a family three-bed. I’m sure it won’t take long to sell, right?’

My heart drops so far and so quickly that I’m surprised it’s not in a puddle at my feet. This isn’t some stupid finance contract or some work-related thing she’s being forced to do. No, this is my childhood home. The place Callum and I first learned to walk, to talk, and everything else. That place is packed with eighteen years of memories, of messy breakfasts, and movie nights, of falling into bed after long days, and knowing that I’m safe within those walls. How can she talk about it like it’s nothing?

I try and regulate myself, pacing up and down the hallway until my hands shake so hard that I barely have control when I shove open her door. ‘So, that’s it then?’

Mum looks up from her lap, wide-eyed before murmuring quickly into her receiver, ‘Sorry, I’ll call you back.’ She tosses her phone onto the bed. It bounces off and clatters loudly to the floor. ‘Why are you listening outside my door, Ava?’

‘Why are you giving up on everything?’ The tears are so thick in my eyes that I can’t see her, but I hear her sigh loud and clear. ‘Why does none of this matter to you?’

‘Of course, it matters. And I’m certainly not giving up. I am trying my best, Ava, for you and your brother.’

‘And moving us hundreds of miles away, and tearing our family apart is what’s best for us, is it?’ A tear slips over my waterline and Mum picks at the corners of her nails. ‘Is that all our family means to you now? You just want all of our memories gone?’

‘You’ve only heard half a conversation. This is why I’ve always told you that eavesdropping gets you hurt. I thought you were happy here? You always begged me to come back to the farm when you were younger.’

‘Yeah, well, everything has changed, hasn’t it? And you’d know whether I was happy or not if you actually asked my opinion on anything instead of just treating me like a kid and deciding my whole life for me.’ My knees tremble under my weight but I still manage to dodge mum’s arm as she walks towards me with it outstretched for an embrace.

‘You’re angry, I know that.’ Her brave face is slipping. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Did you ever even love Dad?’

She’s silent for a second, only the sound of my stifled sobs fill the room. ‘That’s not fair, Ava.’

That’s all I need to hear. Mum doesn’t chase me as I flee down the stairs and make for the door.

‘Ava?’ Callum catches me as he sits over his homework on the kitchen table, but I ignore him too.

I can’t face the treehouse, everyone knows that’s where I go to disappear, and the thought of running into Jacob at this very moment only forces me to walk faster still towards the one place they’ll never look: the orchard.

Though it’s still only the afternoon, the sky is dark. The clouds are so thick and full that the sun doesn’t have a single gap to peek through. The rain is coming, that’s obvious, but even a hurricane can’t compare to the storm inside me I can’t escape.

Chapter 12

Four years ago

‘Your mum lets you drive the tractor by yourself?’ I asked in surprise.

Jacob shrugged as he opened the cab door and summoned me to join him.

‘Dad’s hurt his leg and Will’s been driving since he was thirteen, so I’ve been given some training. Besides, everyone’s busy, and I’m the only one left to pick the apples. There’s not much to it, and we won’t have to go on the road.’

I gave him a sceptical look. If he offered me a piggy back, I wouldn’t say no, but seeing the same guy that always had grazed knees and elbows from falling off his bike now in charge of heavy machinery didn’t fill me with much hope.

‘I physically can’t go fast in this heap of junk, so you’ll be safe, I promise.’

Granny looked at me with a smile from the porch. ‘At least it’s not a motorbike eh.’ She shook her head and returned to her peonies.

‘Fine, but if you make me car sick, I take no responsibility for throwing up all over you.’

‘Deal.’ Jacob leaned out of the cab and offered me his hand. Taking it, he pulled me up into the tractor with ease and I settled into the seat beside him, already knowing that I trusted him more than I could ever trust myself.

‘How come you’re back again so soon?’ Jacob looked at me from the corner of his eye.

‘Eyes on the road.’ He did as he was told with a smirk, and I was suddenly very aware of how close the seats were. My whole right side was pressed against his left so tightly that I could feel the heat of his thigh pulsing against my own, and rendering my throat drier than the fields in drought. ‘Mum and Dad just said about us going to help Granny and Grandad for the weekend. I don’t really know.’

Visits to the farm had become more frequent in the past few months. When we were really young, it was mostly just holidays, but then it started to turn into the odd weekend here and there too. Mum had said it was because Granny and Grandad were getting older and they needed extra hands on the farm, but even back then I couldn’t shake the feeling that it had something to do with my parents arguing in hushed voices in the kitchen when they thought we couldn’t hear. I wasn’t a kid any more, at least I thought so at fourteen. I knew that things weren’t always perfect, but the good days were getting fewer and farther between and I had started to wonder if they were ever good to begin with.

‘Do your mum and dad ever argue?’ I asked.