Page 98 of Will to Run

But today, the need to check in is stronger than my logic. Maybe the emotionally charged twenty-four hours have suspended my rational brain? Because having him show up at the ranch is one thing, but to appear at her place and threaten her is another. He never should have had the opportunity. Della should have been able to call me, like Lanie did Everest.

Before I can register what a dumb decision this is, I’m walking past my car, coffee in hand, and climbing the same stairs Tripp climbed yesterday.

Like the stalker I’ve become, I stop on the landing and take in the cracks in the glass, noting the dirt remnants on the ground. He must have thrown a flowerpot or something. Rage tears through my insides again. I’m about to call the owners, whom I know, and raise hell to get the entire staircase taken out so no one else can use the back stairway, knowing damn well how hypocritical that is, seeing as I’m standing on them.

Before I can make another observation, she enters the kitchen in her volleyball shorts and the tank top that sent me to the moon the first night we were together. It feels early to be painting, but I know she’s still prepping for the art show, so she’s probably in her art room fifteen hours a day. With paint streaks all over her, she’s smiling and bopping about to music I can’t hear. My heart lurches as I recall our night with the paint and when I told her she was mine. I’m not sure what I expected her to look like, but it’s not this. She looks so different, so carefree, from every other time I’ve seen her since the incident. It is nice to see her like this… like she was before.

God, what an idiot I was.

I take a step towards the door, and the movement causes her to look up. She sees me and screams as if I’m the anti-Christ. To be fair, Tripp was here a little over twelve hours ago, and I concede I should have taken a different, less creepy approach, but there’s no way she would have let me up the front if I rang the buzzer.

Without getting anything on to cover up, she rips the sliding door open with such force that I’m shocked the compromised glass doesn’t shatter.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” she demands. I know I shouldn’t look at her. I fucking know I shouldn’t, but every sensible instinct has always turned into background noise when she’s around. Today is no different.

“Please, Della. Talk to me,” I beg.

“I have nothing for you, for your brother, for anyone. I’m here to finish up the art show in a few weeks, and then I’m moving to Custer. At least I have Quinn there.”

My heart jumps out of my chest at the admission because this feels like worst-case scenario. She’s breaking this lease to leave? She can’t... she just can’t.

“I would give anything… anything… if you could give me a chance to explain. Five minutes. Set a timer. Please, Del. I know I don’t deserve it. Please give it to me, anyway.”

I am so overwhelmed with trying to plead my case, that when you add in a healthy dose of complete exhaustion, and enough caffeine to revive the dead, I can’t help the emotion entering my eyes or the tear that falls. I’ve been so torn up over the whole fucking thing that it’s eating me alive. Consuming me in a way that I realize makes me question my sanity.

It’s a fucking woman. Women flock to me.

Rationally, I know this could be a fun blip on my timeline, but irrationally, I know that is not how this is supposed to end. Her eyes track the tear that I let fall, and I see the moment the volume of her rage turns down just the slightest bit. I close my eyes and beg she’ll agree, but the silence stretches between us.

“You have five minutes, Jaxon Wills,” she concedes.

“I’ve never asked someone to hear me like I’m asking you to hear me right now,” I open my eyes to look at her. “And there’s a reason for that. I haven’t cared. Not that I haven’t been with great women… but you… there is something so different about you, Della. And I’ve known it since the moment you stood at my garage. Things progressed between us at a pace I didn’t think was real, but it did. I will never forgive myself for saying such horrific things about you. It doesn’t mean much, but I swear to you they were a lie. I’m mad at my brother, yes, but I’m most mad ay myself for not respecting and defending this thing between us, and hurting you. This lifetime won’t be enough time to apologize and try to make it right. I don’t know what to do to convince you that you are so much more to me than the words I said.”

Her lips roll into her teeth, and she just stares at me.

“Because you never were a bonus, Della. God, I’m sick I ever insinuated that. I’m not sure when or where or how, but you became… you became… so much.”

I stop myself from saying everything.

“If you give me another chance, I promise you will never ever question where you stand in my life, because you’ll be number one. Above everything, without exception.”

“Jax,” she holds up her hand.

I grab it and kiss it, breaking all the rules of this temporary truce. The simple gesture of touching her skin soothes my sanity.

“Jaxon, it’s been a roller coaster for me for a while now. I’ve been through the wringer, and I’ve done a lot of soul-searching. I appreciate your apology; I really do. But given everything, I don’t know if Amberheart is the right spot for me. It’s time for me to learn the art of being alone and not lonely, and that feels impossible with you so close. Jesus, I mean, I had eyes for you the day of my damn wedding. That’s not enough time to grieve a failed engagement and relationship…”

“It wasn’t a true relationship,” I cut her off. “You and I both know that what you and your ex had was a set-up.”

“I know,” she says, looking at the ground. “The fallout never happened because what he and I had wasn’t real. Regardless, I’m not in a space to entertain another person right now. I have to do me, and I’m going to put myself first. For the first time in a long time, I choose me.”

“That’s funny. I choose you, too.”

She gives me a look, but it elicits the tiniest smile… I’ll take it.

“Jokes aside, I’ll wait. And that includes you taking whatever time you see fit,” I say.

“Jax, don’t be foolish. When I say I’m out of the relationship game, believe me that I am out.”