Page 99 of Fifth Avenue Flirt

Bray’s right, my walls are up with everyone. Even Avril. Maybe Deacon gets in here and there, but generally, I’ve worked hard to make sure that no one can hurt me. I was a helpless child without any power to change anything—not my father’s restaurant going under, not the country I lived in, not the lack of roof over our heads. I’ve worked hard to make sure it can’t happen again. And it won’t. I have more money in my checking account than my parents earned their entire lives.

But I’m still working like we’re homeless and I’m trying to find us a way out of living in our car.

“Say your theory is right and I’ve built high walls so that no one can get in. If I wanted to let someone in, is that even possible?”

Avril not being around this week has felt empty. Not hearing from her has hurt.

Maybe she’s managed to get to me more than I expected.

“I think the last couple of times we’ve met, we’ve shared more than we’ve revealed to each other the entire time since we came to New York.”

“Does that mean it is possible?” I ask, a little confused by his answer.

“I think it’s possible if that’s what you want.”

“But it’s an experiment, like baby steps,” I suggest.

He chuckles. “I’m not sure. I guess so.”

“But say I wanted to date Avril,” I say. “I’m being hypothetical here, because I’m not definitely saying I want to date Avril.”

Bray laughs and takes a sip of his wine to stifle his amusement.

“But say I did want to see more of her…What do I say to her? I’m not sure how real relationships work because I’ve isolated myself for so long? I’m emotionally impotent, but I’d like to experiment in opening up to you and see where that leads.”

Bray holds my gaze. “I’m not sure I’d use the word ‘impotent’ when you’re trying to impress a woman.”

I nod. “Good advice. But seriously, I don’t want to hurt her. If I’ve managed to keep my own brother at arm’s length for more than a decade, then what hope is there that I can be the kind of man Avril deserves?”

He shrugs. “I don’t have all the answers.”

I roll my eyes. “You see, I open up and tell you my problems and you’ve got nothing.” I grin, and my brother raises his glass.

“To your impotence. Emotional or otherwise.”

I clink my glass to his. “But seriously, do I just walk away? Would that be better? Avril is a… She’s special. She deserves a man who can treat her like a queen.”

“So be that man.”

“I’m not sure if that’s possible. She deserves someone who’s open. Who isn’t so goddamn afraid of being vulnerable. Someone without all these walls to keep people out. I’m not sure I’m capable of being the kind of man who deserves her.”

“Maybe you should just start with being the kind of man she wants to hang out with.”

Realization claws at my insides. “Maybe she’s not even open to spending time with me. I mean, we’ve spent time together because that was the deal if she wanted me to help her with Boston.”

“You blackmailed her into spending time with you?”

“No.” Did I? I was trying to show her that things get messy if they get personal. But maybe messy isn’t so bad. What’s the worst that could happen?

She could end up hating me.

She could end up telling everyone she knows in Manhattan that I’m emotionally impotent and, while accurate, that’s the kind of information I’d rather keep to myself. I’ve always been afraid that mixed messages about me would take away my power and influence.

And maybe they would.

But maybe the risk is worth it. Maybe I don’t need to control everything so tightly anymore.

“I think we have chemistry,” I tell Bray. We had our time-out and had the best night together. But maybe that was for show on her side. Is it possible that we got intimate because she thought it would guarantee my help with Boston?