Page 109 of Fallen Crown

Sawyer reaches out and rubs my arm, but she doesn’t try to invalidate my feelings.

“I just need some kind of sign,” I say, “that makes me one hundred percent sure he’s not going to regret being with me if we don’t have kids.” I toy with the remaining pieces of lettuce. “Or maybe I just need to get over myself. I don’t want to live through the disintegration of another marriage, and maybe I’m being overly cautious.”

“It’s an important question, and it’s definitely one where you don’t want a partner to have regrets.”

It’s clear that talking about it with Sawyer isn’t going to somehow magically make me feel better about the situation, but I needed a neutral third party to bounce ideas off, and Sawyer is my most levelheaded sibling.

“How’s everyone else?” I ask.

“Nathaniel has decided to dip his toes into producing television shows. Wants to represent the underrepresented in Bellerive.”

I don’t say anything out loud, but he’s been preoccupied with the disadvantaged in Bellerive since he was in high school. His relationship with Hollyn Davis was, according to my mother, a scandal, but in a lot of ways, it seems like Nathaniel never quite moved past whatever happened between them. She’s been gone from the island for years.

“Caitlin’s been fielding strange calls from some woman in America who has been trying to contact Gage, but he’s been avoiding her,” Sawyer says.

“One thousand dollars says he got some one-night stand pregnant,” I say. My comment is mostly a joke. Where Sawyer and Nathaniel are cautious, Gage and Ava are train wrecks, leaving swaths of destruction in their paths. Not sure how I’d feel if he actually got some girl pregnant by accident.

“It’s possible,” Sawyer says. “Though he’s back together with Abby.”

“Again?”

“Like a light switch.”

They’ve been on and off since freshman year of college, and Gage just recently graduated. My brother’s running joke is that they break up whenever one of them gets the urge to fuck someone else. Not exactly romantic. Why they keep getting back together mystifies me. But that’s Gage. Nothing he does makes sense to me despite the fact he’s only a couple years younger. Our nanny wasn’t equipped to raise five children, and my mother’s lack of interest once they became toddlers meant Gage and Ava got away with far too much, despite Sawyer’s best efforts. They still do.

“Is he coming back to Bellerive soon?” I ask.

“Mom said he’s asked for the beach hut so he can surf and figure out next steps. Not like he had four years to figure out a next step.” She rolls her eyes.

The beach hut is actually a two-thousand-square-foot cottage on the only part of the island that gets decent waves. After going to college in California, Gage took on a bit too much of the casual billionaire lifestyle. Despite getting a degree, I’m not convinced he’ll ever use it, content to surf his inherited wealth.

“You sticking around?” Sawyer asks, checking the clock on the wall. “I have a client in ten.”

“No.” I take out my phone to send a text even though I feel a little guilty asking. “Jag is picking me up.”

“I hope whatever you need to set your mind at ease about the kids thing happens,” Sawyer says. “That ball of uncertainty in your stomach is never fun.”

No, it’s not, and I’m not sure talking to Brice about it again will ease my fears. It’s something I need to come to grips with on my own.

Brice straightens his tie in the mirror, and he catches my eyes in the reflection as I put on another coat of mascara. He grins and kisses my temple before leaving the bathroom.

The premiere of InterFlix’s series is tonight. Unlike some of their programs, which drop all at once, they’ve opted to release two episodes a week for five weeks to capitalize on the hype around Brice’s involvement. The photos released by people at the after-party have only stirred the pot more. InterFlix decided to ride that wave, and several of their promos have included footage of me and Brice that I didn’t realize they’d gotten. Doesn’t bode well for whatever else they’ve caught on camera. Brice isn’t nervous, but he’s navigated far more scandals than I have.

As part of their “After the Race” episode, they’ve sent a camera person to record our dinner tonight—the first time I’m eating with the entire royal family, including extended relatives. No pressure. Brice asked me before he agreed to it, and I’ve met everyone who’ll be seated around the giant table before, but I’ve never met them with the implication I’ll be joining the family at some point.

When I come out of the bathroom, he loops his arm around my waist, and he tugs me into his embrace. My long blue dress swirls around my feet. Tanya, the woman who normally dresses Rory and Julia, selected my Bellerive Blue attire. We’re definitely making a statement.

Instead of kissing me on my lips, which would ruin my lipstick, he trails a line of kisses up my neck to just under my ear, and then he takes my hand and leads me through the maze of palace hallways to the formal dining room.

There, everyone else is mingling, not yet seated, and there’s Iris with the producer, Hye Jin, circling the crowd and occasionally stopping to ask someone a question. I can only imagine what dirt InterFlix is interested in learning about me and Brice.

As soon as Hye Jin catches sight of Brice, she grabs Iris and makes a beeline to drag him away for a solo appearance, and as I watch her interview him, a burst of pride springs forth. He’s so easy on camera, but she must ask him about his dad, because I can see his whole demeanor shift, as though he’s having to hold himself together. We talk about his dad a lot when it’s just the two of us. Our commitment to each other has made us open in ways I don’t ever remember being with anyone else. Then he flashes her a grin, one that exudes genuine happiness at her next question, and I wonder if she asked about me. The change in him is the same one I see when I walk into a room and we lock eyes. The prospect of watching this show isn’t so distressing anymore.

Rory appears at my side with Grace on her hip, and her gaze is trained on Brice, where mine was moments before. “I was worried about him when George died,” she says. “But I don’t worry about him anymore because I know he’s got you.”

It’s probably the nicest thing anyone could ever say to me, but I’ve come to expect those sorts of comments from Rory in the short time I’ve lived at the palace. There’s a warmth to her that counters Alex’s coolness with remarkable effectiveness. She is the embodiment of keeping the home fires burning.

Soon, I’m surrounded by Julia, Nick, Alex, and Helen too, as though someone planted a bug in his immediate family’s ear about me being nervous to appear here tonight. The room is brimming, and my parents are here somewhere, but I imagine they’re loving the chance to bump elbows with so many Summersets. With Brice occupied, his family has gravitated here. The show of solidarity causes a sheen of tears to rise to my eyes, and to conceal my emotion, I ask Rory if I could hold Grace.