Page 93 of Heavy Crown

The tightness eases a fraction.

That’s what I’ll have to do until this is over—close my eyes and think of Rory. Her image can guide me through this, what we can have together. Giving her up isn’t an option. If that’s my truth, my heart, then I can’t let what I’m losing secure a foothold in me.

When Nick arrives, he doesn’t knock. He enters, swings around the armchairs, and drops into a seat. Jules trails behind him, and rather than taking her own chair, she curls up on Nick’s lap, and he hugs her to his chest.

Instead of being annoyed at their closeness, my mind drifts to Rory. I get that. With her, I get that. The realization causes the tightness in my chest to disappear.

“You summoned us?” Nick sighs and strokes Julia’s hair. “Is this going to become a thing on Sundays from now on? ’Cause I expect to be even more hungover after our wedding next Sunday.”

“No, I don’t intend to make it habit,” I say. “Mostly because I don’t intend to be here.”

Nick frowns, and Julia uncurls herself from Nick, but she doesn’t leave his lap.

“What?” she asks, and I can tell by her wary tone, she’s wondering if she’s interpreting my comment correctly.

“Rory and I are talking about it in more depth tonight, but I intend to remove myself from the line of succession tomorrow.”

Julia gasps and scrambles off Nick’s lap. She perches on the armchair next to him, and she grabs his hand. “Alex, this is insanity.”

Nick rubs his face and seems to be a step behind. “You’re—you don’t want to be king?”

I swallow, and I can’t meet his gaze. This is the moment where I should be showing absolute strength and certainty, but there’s only so much I can fake. “I can’t have Rory and become king. That much has become clear. While I have struggled with this decision, I can’t let her go.” I shake my head and give Nick an imploring gaze. If anyone should understand, it’s him. “I can’t.”

He and Jules share a long glance, and Nick stands up to pace between the chairs and the desk. “Okay. Okay.” He spins on his heel to face me. “You’re breaking your contract with Princess Simone. Stepping down. And leaving the country? Before we started hunting for a Rory-sized loophole, I didn’t know the rules of succession quite so well. But I do now. You’ll be expected to leave the country. Leave the family. As the rules stand now, you won’t be allowed to return to Bellerive—ever.”

To hear the consequences laid so bare causes a cold sweat to rise along my back. I rub my face. “Right. Yes. That’s my understanding too.” To never again set foot on Bellerivian soil...

“Alex, you cannot mean this.” Julia slouches into her chair. “Nick, am I still drunk? Is this a fever dream? Am I dead?”

Nick swallows. “You are not dead, and unfortunately, this is no hallucination.” He sits beside Julia again and laces his fingers with hers. He huffs out a breath. “Have you really thought about this? Do you have a plan?”

Julia shakes her head. “Every decision you’ve ever made has had a ‘if this, then’ chart involved. Where is it?” She cranes her neck toward my bare desk. “This feels very impulsive.”

A heavy silence settles over the room. It’s the same impulsiveness Rory accused me of last night. There are three women in the world who know me, really know me. I suspect my mother would be equally horrified if she were sitting here right now. Her judgement cannot be trusted, unfortunately. Her priority has become the monarchy and not her son’s happiness.

“It may be a tad impulsive,” I admit. “That doesn’t mean this isn’t the best course of action for me.”

“Why don’t you call off the wedding to Simone and buy yourself time? You and Rory can be together longer. What if whatever is happening between you and Rory doesn’t last? It’s been—what?—three months?” Julia gives me a helpless look. “I realize you might not want to hear that, but you need to consider every angle of this decision. If you won’t, someone has to. You would be giving up your entire life for her after knowing her for three months.”

“Jules,” Nick says. “Come on. If he loves her, he loves her.”

“Does she love you?” Julia turns to me. “Does she love you enough to accept the weight of this decision too?”

My heart kicks at the implication Rory might not be on board with my decision. She did seem reluctant last night, but I sprung the idea on her. I’m sure after she’s had today to think it through, she’ll be on my side of this. The only option for us to be together is for me to step down. I love her enough to do it. Surely she loves me enough to accept? Even if we haven’t said the words, the air is alive around us when we’re together. She loves me. I’m sure of it.

“She understands that our choices are limited.”

“Alex, that’s not an answer.” Julia lets out a frustrated wail.

“If you and Nick aren’t keen to lead the monarchy, I’ll speak to Brice. Obviously, he’ll then have the same wife issue I did.”

Julia points a finger at me. “That is not why I’m saying these things right now. Of course we’ll step up if we need to. Right, Nick?”

Nick stares at me. “That’s a big step,” he mutters.

“I called you here to tell you as a courtesy, not to be talked out of it.”

“I’m not talking you out of it,” Julia says. “I want to make sure you never regret your choice.”