Page 106 of The Doctor

“Why?”

I edged back, though I couldn’t bring myself to pull away, to pull my dick from the safety of her body.

To pull my heart from my chest.

“Because I love you,” I told her, swiping away a bead of sweat from her brow. “Because I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”

“But you don’t trust me.” She sniffed, pushing at my chest again. “You don’t listen to me. You think I lie to you, and you… you hurt me.”

“Clara.” Pain pulsed through my chest, and it had nothing to do with my injuries. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I’ve only ever wanted… you.” I swallowed down the hard lump in my throat and braced myself to bear my greatest secret.

“From the moment you were born, I wanted you,” I told her, just a whisper across my lips. “I wanted you to be mine. I wanted to have something of my own that was as special as you. And as you grew, as you became the beautiful, intelligent, strong, brave, and stubborn woman you are, I fought this desire to want you the way I do. Like this. You and me, connected in a way no one else could ever be. I want this with you.”

Her bottom lip trembled, and tears trickled down her cheeks, the droplets mixing with the sweat that’d gathered along her hairline.

“Let me love you, Clara. Let me be the man you need me to be. Let me prove to you how much you mean to me.”

Her brown eyes focused on mine, then blinked away tears.

“What if you stop loving me?” More tears fell. “What if you realize I’m too much? That I can’t be what you want me to be?”

“You’re—”

“What if I can’t get better, and you’re stuck with the girl who’s never been enough?”

“Clara—”

“I can’t do this right now, Zee. I can’t—” She buried her face in her hands. “I need to be alone.”

Thunder crashed inside my chest, and I was drawing in a hurricane. I lifted off Clara, then watched as she righted herself, adjusting her tank across her breasts, smoothing her palms down her bare thighs. Her gaze darted my way, but she wouldn’t meet my eyes.

Then, without another word, Clara left me there in the middle of the hall, went to her room, and shut the door.

37

Clara

Zee had just offered me everything I’d thought I wanted. His love, his hand in marriage, a lifetime by his side. A week ago, I would have said yes in a heartbeat. But now, after everything that had gone down, I couldn’t say yes.

Now, it wasn’t just his love I needed.

I needed someone who could love me for all my faults. Who would walk beside me through all my troubles. Who would listen to me, and work to find out the truth instead of writing me off as a lying kid.

I needed to be trusted, and I wasn’t sure Zeno could do that.

I wasn’t sure I could trust myself.

Falling into my bed, I curled myself around my little pillow and cried until there were no tears left. As morning came, the sun fought to peek through the clouds, and still, I couldn’t bring myself to stop. My mind raced, and for once, I didn’t fight it. I let it run away, let it go wherever it wanted, because I didn’t know what to do or how to stop it.

I wanted Zee’s love, but that wasn’t enough. I needed more than that. I needed what I’d been so close to getting before this all went down.

I needed help.

With that thought in mind, I rose from my bed and padded out of my room and up the stairs. Zeno was still in bed, his big body draped over a pillow that took up my side of the bed. I went to him. Climbed in beside him the way I’d been doing for weeks and felt the tears rising in my eyes again when he lost the pillow and wrapped me up in his arms.

“Clara.” He pulled me to his chest, and the gulf between us started to close. I snuggled into him, breathing in his scent, finding comfort in the warmth of his body, in his firm grasp, in his constant devotion that always gave me strength. I smoothed my hands over his bare chest, let my fingers creep over his sensitive throat before they swept along his jaw and across his wounded cheeks.

When he tilted his head down to look at me, I wanted to cry for the anguish painted across his face. I wanted to ease that for him, to give him an ounce of hope. Pulling him to me, I gave him a gentle kiss.