Page 42 of Decker

He held her body close and tried to lose his fear in the touch of her body against his. “I expect you detest me now.”

“What? No, of course not. What happened wasn’t your fault. It was an accident and if you’d been driving, it could’ve been you killed.”

“I wish it had been, then they’d be alive.”

Savannah sat up and he could see tears on her cheeks for him glisten against the dawn light. “Listen, I know you probably don’t believe me, but this wasn’t your fault and punishing yourself for it won’t bring them back. Yes, maybe they would’ve lived, but maybe not and all of you could’ve died and the countless lives that you’ve saved over the years would be lost too.”

He lifted his hand to swipe the moisture away and his gut clenched. How was he going to let her go? And yet he would, he must. “Don’t cry for me, doc. I don’t deserve it.”

“Of course, you do. You lost your family, the people you loved, and you’re still grieving. Most probably you will every single day for the rest of your life, but don’t stop that from letting you honour them by living. You have so much love to give, Mark, and even if it isn’t me, you should open your heart up to love again.”

“Why don’t you hate me?”

“Hate you? For what?”

“For letting them die because he was selfish.”

“I don’t hate you, Mark, I...”

He reached out and covered her lips with his, to stop her words. He couldn’t hear them; he could never hear them because he wasn’t worthy of them. “Don’t.”

“Okay, Mark.”

He kissed her like she was his saving grace, and she was. He could just never have her because if he lost her too, he’d never survive it.