Page 8 of Until Ace

Never forget to smile.

I’m basically a living mannequin.

Honestly, I can’t stand it anymore. I’m bored out of my mind. I know I’m capable of doing more—much more—but the only person who knows it is me.

“But after all this time, I’m more than ready to start selling the cars. Besides, when I started, the position implied a promotion after six months,” I plead one last time.

I really, really need the promotion and the pay that comes with it, and I have been working here longer than that. I never said anything, even after new people were hired while I was blatantly overlooked.

“I promise you, Mandy, as soon as I can, I will get you out on the floor,” Ken says almost desperately. He looks around as if to check that no one can hear us.

“Yeah.” I sigh, feeling myself deflate as the last molecule of hope leaves my system. I knew it wasn’t going to happen before I mustered up the courage to ask. But I had to ask. I had no choice.

What the hell am I going to do now? This was my last and only chance.

“Yeah, you’re right.” I nod at Ken, square my shoulders, and hold my head up high. “It’s just not the right time.” I fake a bright smile and shrug as if it’s not a big deal. It’s obvious he sees right through my fake bravado, but he doesn’t do anything except give me a small smile and a nod of his own in response.

With a final, awkward smile exchange, Ken turns and leaves.

Once, just once, I wish someone would look through the façade I put on every day and see how utterly desperate I am. How lonely I am. Or how freaking tired I am.

God, how I hate this.

No matter what I do, nothing ever goes right. I’m never good enough. Never smart enough. And I’m sick and tired of being seen as nothing more than a dumb model who’s not good for anything but standing there and looking attractive.

That’s how it’s always been.

At first, it was my mom who held all the power over me. Later, it was one of my boyfriends along with my mom, because I managed to find all the slimeballs in close proximity. Now, it’s my employer. And yeah, on some disturbing level, still my mom.

I often wonder if I even have free will.

Every morning, I wake up, do my morning routine, and give myself a pep talk, which always ends with a promise that no one will hold the strings of my life in their hands any longer. Every day, I convince myself this is the day I will be strong and say no.

Just… no.

Today is not that day. Yesterday wasn’t either. Same as the day before. And so on.

On that thought, the phone in my hand beeps, indicating a new text, which sends me into panic mode. My hand shakes as I press the middle button to engage my cell.

Jim

I promise it’s the last time, sis.

The message is from my brother, and the feeling of despair intensifies.

I have a lot of dreams and things I wish for. On the top of that list is for my family to get their shit together and leave me alone to live my life in peace.

Especially Jim, my big brother.

I take a deep breath to get the shakes under control and type out a message.

Me

Where are you? I can’t do this.

I’m not sure if these shakes are because of the fear that I’m on the verge of saying no to anyone in my family for the first time, or because of the fact that, subconsciously, I know I will go through with whatever Jim’s asking, and it scares the shit out of me.

It’s not even two minutes before I hear another beep.