Page 44 of Until Ace

I knew she could see right through me once Jim’s shit invaded my life, and that’s why she got Ace to come to her place. She wanted to help me.

God, was that only a few days ago?

It feels like a lifetime ago.

So much has happened since then.

I know it was a bad idea to come back here so soon, but I need to do something. After Ace went to work, the walls seemed to close in on me, and I had to get out. I couldn’t just stay in his house doing nothing, no matter how beautiful it is.

The messages didn’t stop coming all night, confirming all this happened because of my brother. Thankfully, when I left the phone in Ace’s room, it was on silent mode, so he didn’t hear it beeping with each new message and go looking for the constant sound of notifications. When I checked the phone when I got up to make breakfast, the messages reminded me again of what I already knew.

My brother had offered me—or more precisely, my body—up to work off his debt.

“God, could this get any more fucked up?” I mutter to myself. I’m so tired of this shit, especially seeing how Ace is trying to resolve all this, how he spent the evening before on his phone, trying to get information and making calls to his colleagues to check if there was any progress in finding out who invaded my home. Not to mention, how he offered to find my brother and “deal” with everything.

I felt like a burden.

I’m a burden to everyone, and there’s nothing I can do about it, because no matter where I go, my family will always find me and take everything from me. And now that I’ve met Ace, after all he’s done and keeps doing for me, I can’t let that happen.

I can’t let my family take Ace away from me.

It sounds crazy. I met him only a few days ago. But I can’t lose him.

I no longer question that pull he has over me, and I don’t want to deny it. I want Ace to be mine and me to be his. But before that can happen, I have to deal with the mess that’s my life. Including the state of my home.

I know that if I even breathed a word, he would take care of everything.

His actions speak louder than any words ever could.

And he barely even knows me. Sure, I shared a little about my life with him. Mainly because he kept asking if I knew who did this to my apartment. After he plied me with liquor, I just couldn’t take it anymore, and my tongue loosened a little, letting part of the horrible truth come out.

There’s still so much he doesn’t know about me.

There’s still so much ugliness in my life he needs to be aware of so he can decide if he wants me in his.

My only hope is that he won’t take Beverly away from me if he decides I’m not good enough.

She’s a strong woman, and I’m sure Ace doesn’t factor in her decisions. Besides, she’s an adult who has her own mind. Still, if he asked me to stay away from her, I would.

I would do it for him.

Even if it would kill me. Before Ace, Beverly was the only person who’d never judged me in my life. But for Ace, I would abide by his wishes.

Still, I can’t have him meddling in this mess. Who knows what lies behind all the shit Jim did, and what mess is waiting beneath all the lies he spouted in the last few years.

Ace is too good to get tangled up in all of that. Even though he’s a cop, no one needs the kind of trouble Jim brings. I should know, since I’m the one who’s usually dealing with it.

No, it’s better if I deal with it all on my own. For the last time, I’ll see what I can do to help my brother.

I can only hope Ace won’t throw me out of his life once he learns everything about me.

He’s someone I want for myself. Someone, I can only hope I deserve.

Someone I want to take care of, and someone who has already shown me that he wants to take care of me.

He even let me sleep in his bed. And when he thought I was asleep, once I shifted away from him, he carefully scooted over to me and molded his body to mine. It’s the safest I’ve felt in my entire life.

Safe and cherished. It’s not a feeling I’m used to. With my family, I never knew what that could feel like. But comparing the feelings I have when I’m around Ace, and the soft looks he gives me, coupled with Beverly and her gaggle of friends who keep showing me what good people act like toward each other, my family is far from good.