Page 23 of Until Ace

“I can’t go back, Dad,” I say softly.

He takes a few steps and hugs me tight. It’s the first time in years he’s hugged me. Whenever he would, Mom would say I was his daughter and that we were plotting against her, so he stopped doing it all together.

I wish he hadn’t. I missed being hugged. Especially by my dad.

We stand like this, in my parents’ front yard, hugging each other like it’s the last time we ever will.

“I can’t go back in there, Dad,” I repeat, and his only response is to squeeze me tighter. “And I can’t help Jim.”

It’s something we all need to understand. I knew it the moment Jim asked. The second he told me the gravity of his debt, I knew it was beyond me. And it took me a while to accept that.

Now that I’ve come here, I know there’s nothing more I can do.

Dad grabs me by my forearms and pushes me back lightly, making sure I have his eyes.

“You need to go to the police,” he says in his dad voice.

“What?” I ask, stunned. That was the last thing I expected him to say.

“You should go to the police,” he repeats slowly.

“But—”

“No buts,” he interrupts me. “These people are dangerous, and from what you said, they could come after you.” As he talks, his grip gets tighter. “You need to look after yourself. You need to protect yourself, Mandy. You come first, no matter what your mom says.” With those words, he shakes me a little. It’s almost like he’s desperate for me to understand him.

But I don’t understand anything anymore.

“Dad, is there something you’re not telling me?” I ask, but I fear the answer. I hope there’s nothing more that’s going on under the surface.

“No.” He shakes his head, looking even more tired than he did just moments ago. “Out of the three of you—your brother, sister, and you—you’re the only one who’s making something out of your life, but they all keep dragging you down. And I can’t stand for it a second longer.”

Now? Now you step up and say something like this?

It’s a sarcastic thought. It’s a mean thought. Still, it’s one that’s true.

No matter how hard I try not to, I do resent him for not stepping in all this time, for not protecting me from them, and for allowing all of it to continue.

Since I was sixteen, he has done nothing to protect me. He just went with the flow and left me all alone.

“Promise me, Mandy,” he urges. “Promise me you’ll go to the police.”

As far as I know, Jim hasn’t done anything that would warrant me going to the cops.

So there’s nothing for me to take to them.

What would I say? “My brother is a gambler and has raked in debt that I won’t be able to pay, even if I sell all my organs.”

Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

“I promise,” I whisper.

It’s an empty promise. We both know it.

He made a few of those to me over the years.

“Good.” He sighs and lets go of me. “Go home, honey. And be safe.”

I stand there looking at my father for a few moments longer.