Page 18 of Until Ace

I take a breath. “He asked me out.” I push the words out as silently as I can while exhaling, hoping they won’t hear.

No such luck.

The whoop that explodes in the small room vibrates through me.

“I told him no,” I mutter.

I focus on the table in front of me and wait for the scolding I’m sure I’ll receive.

When the silence becomes too much to handle, I look up.

It’s not the look I was expecting. There’s no anger, no disappointment, no disgust on Beverly’s face. Instead, her head is slightly tilted as she tracks every movement I make, her mind working. “Why?”

The soft question jolts me in my seat.

Again, I didn’t expect softness. I was preparing myself for shouting and to have to leave quickly. That’s usually how things go. That is what I’m used to.

“What do you mean, why?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, girl.” Beverly laughs. “I wanted you two to meet. Hell, I all but bullied that boy to come over when I knew you’d be here. I was hoping you would like each other, but what happened in my kitchen… well, I didn’t expect that in my wildest dreams.” She turns to the table at large and hoots. “He took one step into that room over there”—Beverly points at the kitchen, her face now beaming—“and he was a goner. If I didn’t see it with my own two eyes, I would have never believed such a thing was possible.” When she turns back to face me, I can see the happiness shining in her eyes. “And dear, I’m telling you, when you looked at him, the very foundation of his world shifted.”

The smile she sends me warms me. Still, I don’t dare believe that to be true. I mean, she's describing exactly what I felt when I saw him standing there watching me, but never would I even hope the feelings are mutual.

“And when you ran out of there, I thought I would have to stop him from locking you inside a room so no one could get to you. He was devastated. But Ace, my boy, he’s nothing if not determined. I knew he would come back to you. He won’t give up, Mandy.” She waggles a finger in front of me half-jokingly, but I can hear a warning clear in her voice. Only, she wants me to surrender. To ride the wave. She doesn’t know it, but she wants me to, for the first time in my life, do something for me.

Just for me.

Something that will possibly make me happy.

Something that will bring color to my gray world.

Something that will make me feel alive.

God, how I want that.

But most of all, I want that with Ace.

There’s this urge to get close to him that sprang up the moment my eyes fell on him. Hell, the moment I felt his presence in the kitchen, even before I saw him. I can’t explain it. All I know is, he has power over me. I also know, somehow down to my very last cell, he would never abuse that power. Oh, how I want to surrender to this urge. How I long for it. But I can’t.

I close my eyes and shake my head a little to quelch the longing. A tear escapes my closed eyelids. I reach out to wipe it away, but a firm hand stops me. Opening my eyes and tracking the arm to its owner, I see it’s Beverly who has a grip on me. Looking around, I’m met with concern from every side, silently screaming at me.

Fuck, I showed too much.

“Who did this to you?” The words are shaky and quiet.

I don’t say anything. I have to get out of here, but first I have to somehow undo what I did.

I have to stuff all the things that makes me me back in the little box, tuck it away, and go back to quiet Mandy. The Mandy these ladies know me as. The Mandy they care about. Not this lost woman who’s never had her own way. Who is always at the mercy of others.

“Mandy.” My name is both a warning and a plea. “Please, who did this to you?”

I look around, and all eyes are filled with tears. Ida is even weeping silently, her handkerchief pressed to her mouth, her eyes tracing the lines of my face.

It’s my breaking point. I can endure everything but hear Beverly or any of them cry. It’s just something I can’t bear.

I take a deep breath, and for the first time ever, I name the ones who all but tore me apart. “My whole family.”

Chapter 5