Page 42 of Homecoming

But I wouldn’t give up so easily. Standing up, I slapped him.

A shocked look crossed his face and then he stood too, towering over me. “Yeah the truth hurts.”

I got up on my toes, and shoved my face in his. “That’s not the truth, and you fucking know it.”

He stepped away from me and shook his head in mock pity.

I didn’t give up. I would never give up.

I'd promised him I would be there even if the rush of it all was over tomorrow, and I meant that.

“Tell me the truth,” I demanded, turning around as he walked past me.

Suddenly it was like all the fight left him. His shoulders slumped, and he hung his head. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“Bullshit. Tell me the truth, what’s going on with you?”

He turned slowly, and repeated, “There’s nothing to tell.”

He was lying. I could see it all over him. He was determined to push me away.

No fucking way would I let him, “Tell me the fucking truth, Ian.”

“You want the truth, fine.” The way he said made tingles of fear slither down my spine. “I’m a murderer, Lola.”

I stood immobile, his words incomprehensible.

“Yep, the hot driver, the enigma that everyone wants to know more about, and the man that you let in your bed, is a killer.”

“Ian—” I tried to intervene, to ask him to explain. To try and make some sense out of his words, but he didn’t let me. He talked right over me.

“You want to know why I left when I was sixteen? I had to. One night, two kids and I, the kids of the karting track owner, the only man that had given me a job and a chance at that point, decided to go joyriding. It was no big deal, I had my license, and I got hours of driving on the track by that point. We just wanted to have a good time. And I took my eyes off the road for a second. One fucking second, Lola.” He said my name as if it cost him a piece of his soul to do it. “One second was all it took. The next thing I knew, two headlights were heading in our direction, and I twitched the wheel trying to avoid the collision. Only, there was a thin layer of ice on the road, and not knowing better, I hit the brakes. We started.” His chest heaved. “Oh God, the car spun and hit the light pole. I wrapped that car around it like it was a parcel.”

My heart broke for him. I didn’t know any of this. I thought I knew everything from back then, but I was in the dark about this.

He was all alone carrying this secret. It was obvious he was blaming himself for the accident that he had been too young and too inexperienced to prevent.

Suddenly, it all made sense.

His reserve, the faraway looks he would get sometimes while looking at me, and the vigorous, almost desperate way he would kiss me, make love to me after them, his mood deteriorating the closer the race here got and his hushed calls.

He collapsed on the floor as if he had no strength left.

I wanted to go to him so desperately, but I knew I had to stay put, or he would never get it all out.

“I was the only one to walk away. I thought I was going to go to prison, and I was prepared for it. I mean, I had taken away too many lives and destroyed the life of a good man. But somehow, Mr. Kendrick intervened, and he got the judge and Jeremy Harrison to agree to give me another opportunity. I was to get into therapy and do community service. That was possible because there was no alcohol or drugs involved, so I got another chance. But, Mr. Kendrick also thought it was a good idea to get me out of town, to give me a fresh start. So he made that possible.”

He was staring at the floor, lost in his memories. I went to him then and kneeled in front of him.

He had tears streaming down his face, but I was too afraid to touch him, to console him like I wanted to.

“Sounds like he took care of you,” I said softly so as not to startle him.

“Yeah,” he muttered absentmindedly. “Last night, I had to go and get the paperwork in order to get my mother buried and to sell the trailer. Did you know she died?”

“Oh, Ian, I’m so sorry,” I kept my tone soft.

“I’m not, I don’t feel anything about that. She never was my mother, just a woman who kept me around.” He shrugged and looked up. His eyes were bloodshot, pain swirling in them. “What almost broke me was signing the paperwork to take over the track from Harrison, so he could retire and live comfortably. For the last fifteen years, that man has been drowning in the bottle. I did that to him.” He thumped his chest. “It’s the least I can do, but still, it’s not enough. It never will be.”