Page 29 of Never Too Late

I didn’t share that that would never happen. Because I would never get Dylan.

I also didn’t tell her that what she said didn’t explain anything.

Because, in the end, it did.

For the rest of the day, I bounced between the despair of Dylan canceling and daydreaming of what it would be like to spend some time with him and his daughter. Both scenarios terrified me.

The despair spectrum because it was getting more and more difficult to hide the truth from myself and just how much I wanted that man. It was pretty impossible after the night of the well. But by now it seemed he and Zara were everything I thought about. Everything I longed for.

Which brought me to the daydreaming spectrum and the paralyzing fear that Zara would change her mind and hate me on the spot. Instinctively, I knew, if she did, there was no chance in hell Dylan would ever speak another word to me. His daughter was that important. I knew he was a great dad, but the reality was proving to be much better than I ever dreamt about. I also knew, if she didn’t like me, it would leave me crushed because I wouldn’t just lose a chance with Dylan, even if that chance existed only in my mind, I would also lose a girl that would become an integral part of me. With or without her dad. She was just that magnetic.

After coming home from the office, I did only thing that was there to do. I went straight in the direction of my kitchen and I baked.

I baked while I dreamt of a little girl’s laughter filling the sweet smelling space.

off the last tear off my cheek, I did the impossible.

I admitted the truth fully.

I wanted Zara and Dylan all to myself.

Because, even if they didn’t know it, it didn’t matter.

I was theirs.

10

Sophie

I watched Zara and Vivian as they skipped their way down the forest path, hand in hand, giggling and pointing at things they found either hilarious or fascinating.

Zara had a Mrs. Claus costume on and Vivian had a pointed hat that trailed a shimmery veil to the middle of her back on her head.

“She has it because she’s my godmother,” Zara said when she saw me looking at Vivian’s head.

“Oh,” was my reply.

“And because it’s totally fun to have a legitimate excuse to put on silly clothes,” Vivian whispered just so I could hear. “You can always say, the child made me do it and no one will bat an eyelash.” That made sense and she was right, no one would think about it for a second if you had a child next to you. Even I dressed up while working on the pediatrics floor in the hospital. Kids responded better if you operated on their level and not talked down to them. They also wanted to be included in everything, even the dire conversations.

As I parked at the start of the trail, right at the bottom of the mountain, per Dylan’s instructions, I felt dread filling me.

He called in the morning saying that he wouldn’t be able to pick me up after all and to meet here.

I hadn’t questioned anything, just hopped in my car and off I went. I couldn’t wait to see if there was even a slight chance for… anything between us. I convinced myself I would settle for being civil just as long as I had a legitimate excuse not to run away in another direction when I saw him on the street, or if I could stay and live in Hopeful. I knew it would kill to live here and not have everything I wanted, but I needed to be close to him and Zara. And I was at a stage where I would take breadcrumbs if they were all that was offered.

As I watched, who I now knew was Vivian, laughing with Zara and Dylan looking at them with a strange, almost longing look on his face, all I wanted to do was turn my car and drive far away. All the hope and conviction that I didn’t expect anything more than a pleasant afternoon that would maybe end in us behaving like acquaintances, if not friends, evaporated. It was the moment that cemented that I wanted all or would accept nothing. Unfortunately, they’ve already seen me.

I wasn’t even five seconds out of the safety of my Mustang when Vivian skipped her way to me holding Zara’s hand firmly in hers, and said, “So, you’re Sophie. I’m Vivian, Zara’s fairy friend.” She winked and looked at Dylan, shook her head and yelled over her shoulder, “You’re an idiot.” Looking at Zara, she threw her a big smile. “Okay, baby girl, it’s time to find that awesome tree you’ve been raving about. Lead the way,” and off they went.

Watching the three of them, I felt I was somehow intruding and didn’t belong there.

I also felt jealous.

And lonely.

I could have had that.

In another world.