Page 9 of Good Intentions, Vol. 1

BUT!!! I went back to return his shirt, and he was in the shower. So, I looked. HE WAS JERKING OFF!!!! And get this...He called out MY NAME!!! I ran away, but I wish I could have joined him. Wouldn’t mind helping him at all... LOL

Yeah...I don’t know how I’ll face him tomorrow, and we have that big meeting too since Beth won’t be in. He still doesn’t know it though. Anyway, gotta go. TTYL <3

My mind blanks out. I don’t know what’s more prominent in me right now. The shock of her words or the lust that’s pulsing through me. I don’t know how to even breathe any more. Marking the last message as unread, I close down the little screen and take the note in my hand. It wouldn’t be smart to see her now. If I do, there would be no stopping me, I would fuck her in the middle of this hallway not caring if anyone saw.

*~*~*

“Ben is at my parents’ house, so you don’t have to worry about him, and I’ll be home in three days, tops,” the fury from earlier hadn’t finished its course through my body, before Claire informed me she took my son somewhere, without telling me and that she’s going to some reclusive resort for three fucking days.

“Why the hell did you take him to them, you know I’ll take care of him?”

I don’t understand how the hell she thinks she can do this shit without even consulting me. He’s the most important thing in the world. You don’t act like that with something so important. I’m at a point where I don’t care what she does and where she goes anymore, but she can’t just decide she’s gonna take my son somewhere without telling me. And this is the reason I stay married to her. Who the hell knows where she would take him if we got divorced and if I could get to see him?

“I thought it would be best, you looked tired last night, and had to go back to work,” she explains. “I even wanted to talk to you about this, but you shut me down, as always.”

Shut her down as always? Is the woman mad? What about all those times when I tried talking to her. God damnit, I begged her to tell me what’s going on and not to kick me out of our room. And I tried talking to her this morning, as always with no response from her. I have a feeling there’s only one question constantly lurking in my mind. What the fuck happened to us? With no real answer to it, I’m lost. I don’t know what to do anymore. Where the fuck do we go from here?

“You wanted to talk about how you’re going to take my son away from me for three days, or you wanted money?” I ask the acid dripping from my voice.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Nick,” she dismisses me. “I’ve hardly taken him away. It’s just for three days. Even though it would be my full right to take him wherever I see fit. I am his mother after all.”

The threat in her calm voice can’t be ignored. Is she coming to the same conclusion as I am? That we’re nearing the end? That the only logical next step would be calling it quits, and she’s making sure that doesn’t happen? But why? She knows damn well I would give her the money; I always do. And there seems to be no love lost between the both of us. And bringing up old shit is not the way to go.

“Claire,” I say slowly, deliberately.

A warning she shouldn’t dismiss. She tried to play that card once, it wasn’t pretty, but she did get what she wanted after all. I moved to the second bedroom.

“And I need a break. You have no idea how hard it is with him. They say the second year is the hardest, call it terrible two’s, but no one said anything about the third year. I swear after he celebrated his third birthday, his energy doubled.”

If she spent even a full two hours alone with Ben in a day, I would agree with her. Hell, I would be understanding and supportive. Because God knows, my little buddy started to resemble an energy bunny.

“Now, some money would be appreciated. The amount you’re giving me each month is starting to get unsatisfying.”

“Why are you doing this? What happened to us?” I can’t help but ask.

Sure, we weren’t crazy in love, dreaming of a bright future when we got married. But a part of me was convinced since we had that friendship between us, the love would grow, and we would be a normal family. And on my part, it started to sink its roots in my heart, and then it grew the moment she put Ben in my arms after giving birth to him. Only to come crashing down a year later. Then it started to sink really fast and morphed into resentment. Now, I’m not even sure what I feel when it comes to her, except deep frustration.

“Nothing happened, we had sex, made Ben, and we got married,” she explains it like I’m dumb.

“Yeah, and then I ceased to exist for you. Our son never did. All you’re ever interested in, is you.”

The affection I had for this woman once, is now long gone. All I feel now is resentment. She has me by my balls and she knows it. Fuck, how I wish I could just divorce her ass. Ben. His name pops up in my mind like every other time I thought about it.

“Well, you worked all the time. What did you expect me to do? Wait around for you?”

“I worked because you wanted all your Louboutin’s and Harry Winston’s. I worked so I could secure our son’s future. You knew from the beginning that I had a goal set and I wasn’t planning to stop ‘til I reached it.”

“And now?”

“And now,” I stop.

And now? How do you tell your wife that you spend all your hours at work daydreaming about another woman? Or that you can’t stand coming home to her.

“Listen, we both are under stress lately. Let’s just take this few days to think, and we’ll go from there,” I don’t know if she’s sensing that I’m at the end of my rope here or she’s really meaning what she’s saying. “Now about that money you offered...” and I have my answer. It always comes back to this.

Always about the money. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have any. Maybe my life would be simpler. Happier.

“I’ll tell Heather to take care of it,” look at me, dutiful husband, catering to his wife’s every need. Only if she needed me.