Page 9 of Good Intentions, Vol. 3

Or why he feels like this.

“What?” my whisper barely makes any sound.

“I love you, Heather. I love you and you act like you don’t need me. Like you could live on with or without me,” after he says those words his shoulders sag.

“I….” I want to tell him that I love him. But, I just can’t. "I would never do that to you.”

“Yeah, I know,” he says robotically.

“Luke… I…”

“Just go and take your bath, I’ll finish dinner,” he interrupts me, turns and goes to the kitchen leaving me standing in the hallway completely lost.

How is it possible that the day turned out to be so shitty, and what the hell am I supposed to do now? After a 45 minute long soak in the bath, I still have no answers. I go to the kitchen, hug Luke from behind and rest my head on his back soaking his shirt with my wet hair.

“Luke…” I start to apologize but he turns and cups my face in his hands.

“Don’t, baby,” he kisses me lightly then rests his lips against my forehead. “I was out of line. It won’t happen again. Let’s just forget it happened at all.”

I watch him as he steps away from me, grabs the plates and goes to the table and sits down.

“Let’s just eat and have a nice evening,” when he looks up at me his eyes are full of apology.

Apology and hope. Looking at him, it’s the last thing I want to do. I want to talk to him about what happened, I want to reassure him. Instead, I just say, “Okay,” and do as he asked.

Later, when Luke makes love to me, we’re both aware of the fact that he crossed an imaginary line and broke something between us that was fragile and started breaking the moment I let him in. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to repair it, and after the day I had, I’m not even sure I want to anymore.