Page 27 of Good Intentions, Vol. 2

“You’re sorry for what Nick?” I’m afraid of the answer even though I already know it. Already know what’s going to happen.

“I cheated on you last night, pretty girl,” he whispers. “I slept with Claire last night.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Nick. You didn’t cheat on me, you’re cheating with me.” Slowly, I put the paper in my hand on the desk and start rounding it, coming close to me. Like a hawk, he watches my every step. As I stand in front of him, his Adam’s apple bobs with his hard swallow. Silently, without saying a single word, I go to my tiptoes and kiss him.

I kiss him for one last time, putting everything I have in me in this one kiss.

All my love for him.

All my dreams with him.

All of my what ifs.

All of me.

“And it stops now,” I say my eyes still closed. I can’t bear to look at him because I know if I do, I wouldn’t go through with it. I wouldn’t be able to end it. I couldn’t break my own heart and leave him.

And I’m the one who has to do it. He’s visibly torn between the two of us, the two women in his life.

But only one can claim him.

“I love you baby. I love you with a fire that’s destroying me. And I’m sorry, but I can’t be that woman anymore.”

“What woman?” His hands are squeezing my waist. I don’t know if it’s to push me away or to pull me in.

“I can’t be your mistress anymore.” I turn away. “My resignation letter is on your desk, Sir.”

“Heather,” he calls, his voice full of regret.

Stopping I look over my shoulder at him. I know that the vision of his tortured face, his eyes full of tears, his hand pulling his hair and his Adam’s apple bobbing, is the one that will stay with me forever.

He doesn’t say anything, just keeps looking at me, waiting.

For what, I don’t know. But I tell him the only thing that comes to mind.

“We’ve met too late, Nick,” I whisper. I don’t let my tears fall. I know if he sees them it’ll destroy him.

I turn back and start walking out of his life.

Every step I take walking away from him leaves me with a feeling like someone is tearing my muscles off my bones. My heart beats a mile a minute almost as if trying to beat its way out of my chest just so it could stay with him. And when I close the door behind me, with the sound of it, it gives one final powerful beat that pulses in my whole body. So powerful I feel it in my fingertips.

Then it stops.

It becomes just a muscle doing its job, pumping my blood away. Because I succeeded in what I thought was impossible.

I just killed myself while staying alive.

“Heather?” Beth calls after me.

I stay silent and just… disappear.