Page 8 of Special Delivery

“Tough crowd,” Parker comments.

“She’s way too young,” I add.

“I was just making a joke.”

Even though he’s an unapologetic flirt, this girl is too young for him to make an actual effort. If he did, though, I have no qualms about him being successful. The man is a magnet for women.

“I can’t stay long. My nanny needs to leave in an hour.” Parker checks his watch. “So, fill me in on the news. Wes, what’s up with you?”

His head snaps up like he wasn’t expecting the question. He hesitates for a second before responding, “Nothing much.”

There’s a furrow in his brow and no conviction to his words. I realize there’s more hiding underneath, but he’s obviously not ready to share it with us yet. The server brings us drinks, and I jump to Wes’ aid.

“You know the girl from the other day? The one with the vibrators?” I make a dramatic pause to take a sip of my coffee, knowing Parker is going nuts to hear more.

“Yeah?” he urges me on, losing his patience.

“She got another delivery. It was kind of terrifying.”

“Terrifying?” Parker’s eyes narrow.

“Yeah, man. I’m no stranger to toys, but this thing, whew… It was something called a tentacle dildo.”

Wes chokes on his drink, the liquid spraying the table.

“I’m serious,” I continue. “It was bright blue and probably a foot long.” I keep waiting for Parker’s face to transform into one of shock. I was hoping to get a reaction similar to Wes’.

“Yeah, tentacle dildos typically are pretty huge.” He shrugs, like I mentioned the need to mow my lawn this weekend.

I let out a disbelieving chuckle. “What do you mean typically? This is the first time I’ve heard of such a thing.”

“No offense, Ryan.” He chugs a sip of his beer. “But you’re kind of vanilla.” A scoff escapes me, but he continues, “No, you are. I know you fuck and all that, but I imagine you in two positions tops, with long, sensual foreplay and lots and lots of respect.”

My face scrunches, but Wes interjects, “You imagine him fucking?”

“Not only him. You too. Don’t we all?” Parker responds.

“No, not really.” Wes shakes his head.

“Well, now that you know, I think you are a closeted freak.” He points a finger at Wes, whose neck breaks out in hives.

“Can we get back to what you said?” My mind is still stuck on his words, and how frighteningly accurate they are. “What’s wrong with long foreplay and respect? Women love that.”

“Sure, they do. But they also like to be respectfully disrespected, and they sometimes like their foreplay less sensual and more…dirty.”

“Dude, you have a daughter,” Wes comments.

Parker lifts his palm. “Low blow, man. But also pointless. This is about adults engaging in consensual acts.”

“You’re saying women like tentacle dildos?”

“Some.” He shrugs. “To some, it’s a challenge. Or a monster fantasy.”

“Monster fantasy?” My expression is stuck on one of confusion.

“Yeah, monster fantasy. A lot of women have them, but they differ on the breed of monster.”

“Where the hell do you get your info?” Wes asks.