Page 79 of Falcon’s Forever

Church breaks a few minutes later. Nobody lingers the way they usually do. Zip is the last brother to leave. He stops in the doorway and looks back at me.

“Coffee?” he offers.

“You don’t have to stay,” I tell him.

“I didn’t ask if I had to.” Zip waits for an answer.

“Yeah,” I say finally. “Okay.”

He returns a few minutes later with two cups. Instead of taking the chair beside me, he sits across the table.

It’s a small but deliberate distance, and I understand it without either of us mentioning it.

“Are you scared?” Zip asks.

“Of what?” I reply.

“Of never getting it back,” he clarifies.

“Yeah,” I admit.

“Good,” Zip says.

There’s no teasing in his voice this time.

“It means you finally understand what it costs someone else when you decide you know better,” he continues.

I lower my gaze to the coffee. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

"You don't fix a dead kid," Zip says, flat, honest, the kindest thing anyone's said to me all night precisely because it doesn't try to be kind. "You carry it. And you do the boring, ugly work Vulture just handed you without complaining that it's beneath you, for as long as it takes, and you let that be the whole answer instead of looking for a faster one. That's it. That's the job now."

"And Cara?"

"Not tonight's problem." He says it gently enough that it doesn't sting the way it should. "Tonight's problem is showing up tomorrow at six for collections with Rook like every other patched brother in this club, no title, no excuse, and doing it again the day after that."

I nod. It's the smallest, hardest instruction anyone's given me in weeks, and for once I don't argue with it.

I message Ice Pick instead of Cara, because I've already used up my right to reach for her directly tonight.

Falcon:

Do they need anything at the hospital? Food, clothes, chargers?

Ice Pick:

Frankie says coffee. Sarah needs a clean hoodie. Cara needs nothing.

The last part hurts, probably on purpose. I answer anyway.

Falcon:

Harrier will pack food. Send sizes for clothes.

I don't ask to speak to her. I've already said sorry, and sorry doesn't mean much from a man who just lost the only proof he had that he was trying.

Harrier doesn't threaten me when I walk behind the bar tonight. He just starts pulling containers from the fridge the second I tell him it's for the hospital. He’s quieter than usual, and I understand that quiet too. Sandwiches, fruit, water, coffee, and enough snacks to last until morning. A prospect and two patched men take the delivery.

I stay, because for the first time in a long while staying isn't a choice that earns me anything. It's just the only thing left to do. I walk the north breach with Condor because he lets me, not because it's mine to oversee anymore. I sit with Digger while Knox checks him again. I don't go near the patrol schedule, because that's Zip’s to build now, and every time I catch myself reaching for it out of habit I make myself stop.