Page 58 of The October Arrangement

“It wasn’t,” he said. “There’s a difference between putting someone’s happiness before your own and feeling responsible for keeping them alive. By the end, I wasn’t staying because I believed we were going to have a great marriage again. I wasn’t even entirely sure the woman I’d married was ever coming back. I stayed because I was terrified of what would happen to her if I left.”

“So you wasted years of your life,” I said.

“I wouldn’t say that. I would say I was loving someone I couldn’t help.”

That shut me up quickly. I’d watched their marriage deteriorate year after year. I watched my mother drink herself into someone I didn’t recognize. And I watched my father make excuses for her, cover for her, and clean up after her. At first I thought he was to blame for her drinking problem. But now, I knew better.

“Were you relieved when she died?” The words flew out of my mouth without thinking.

He set his fork down, picked up his drink, and stared at me.

“Yes. I was devastated but relieved.”

“How can you be both?” My brows furrowed.

“I loved your mother, Simon. Her death didn’t erase that. But it ended something that had been hurting all of us for a very long time. Why are you bringing this up again? Does it have anything to do with Bella?”

“Why does everything suddenly have to do with Bella?” I asked.

“Because I saw the way you looked at her when she was in your office. And I saw the look in your eyes when you talk about her. You’ve spent your life hiding from relationships, and I know it has to do with the marriage your mother and I had.”

“I don’t want to become you,” I finally said.

“I know that, son.”

“I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I’ve spent twenty years making someone else happy while I’m fucking miserable.”

“Then don’t,” he said.

“That’s your advice?” I frowned.

“Yes. That’s my advice. Listen, son. You’re making the same mistake you’ve always made.”

“And what mistake is that?”

“You think my marriage to your mother is what marriage is. It isn’t. It was our marriage. Two people with their own problems who made some terrible decisions and lived with the consequences.”

“And I’m supposed to believe my relationship would be any different?”

“If you choose someone different. Don’t use my mistakes as an excuse to never give yourself the chance to make your own. You’ve been around Mary and me enough over the last five years to see what a healthy relationship looks like. Use that, son. Not the marriage I had with your mother.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Bella

I stood outside the boutique and stared through the tall glass doors. I’d walked past stores like this plenty of times. Stores I never had a reason to go into because they were way out of my price range. Until Simon Montclair handed me his credit card and told me to buy a dress.

I pulled open the door and stepped inside. The boutique was quiet and elegant, and it smelled of expensive perfume. Racks of formal dresses lined the walls, with a crystal chandelier hanging overhead and a curved staircase that led to a second floor.

“Good morning.” A woman dressed in black approached me with a smile.

“Good morning.” I smiled back.

“Welcome. I’m Celeste. Is there something special you’re looking for today?”

“Yes. I need a dress for a charity event for Saturday night. It’s black tie.”

“Wonderful.” She smiled. “Do you have a designer in mind?”