Page 48 of The October Arrangement

“Grady wasn’t a bad guy. He didn’t cheat on me, and he treated me well. There wasn’t some huge betrayal that gave me a reason to hate him and walk away.”

“Well, you don’t need someone to do something terrible to know they’re not right for you,” he said.

“The more serious he got about our future, the more trapped I started to feel. Every time he talked about marriage, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“Eventually,” I said.

“How did he take it?”

“Not well. He thought there was someone else.”

“Was there?” Simon’s brow arched.

“No. Not at all. I’d been feeling the way I’d felt for months. I just kept ignoring it because I thought something was wrong with me. He was trying to give me exactly what I thought I wanted. A good man. A stable relationship. Someone who loved me and wanted a future with me. I kept telling myself I should be happy.”

“But you weren’t. Were you?”

“No.” I shook my head. “And I had no idea why.”

“Did you love him?”

“I did, but just not enough. I think I loved how comfortable we were. And maybe for a while, I confused comfortable with forever. As I said, he was a good guy. I just didn’t feel like forever could exist with him.”

“What did he say when you ended it?”

“That I was making the worst mistake of my life and that I would never find anyone who would love me and take care of me as he did. I felt horrible for hurting him. But when I walked out of his apartment that night with all the guilt and sadness, I felt relieved.”

“Have you talked to him since?” he asked.

“A couple of times. But not in many months. Last I heard, he moved on and was happy.”

“So why didn’t you go on dates after him?”

“I wanted to find myself and really search deep inside my soul as to why I wasn’t happy with Grady. So, I turned myself into a man-free zone. What about you? Why are there no relationships for you?”

Chapter Nineteen

Simon

The server returned to our table and set our plates down.

“May I get you anything else?” he asked.

“No. I think we’re good,” I said.

“Don’t think you’re off the hook, Montclair. I want an answer to my question.”

I looked at her. “I prefer things uncomplicated.”

“That’s really not an answer.” She picked up her fork.

“It’s an answer. It’s just one you don’t like.”

“No, it’s the answer men give when they don’t want to give the real one.”

“Wow. I didn’t realize you’ve suddenly become an expert on men,” I smirked.