Page 88 of SnowBound

20

ANDERSON

“Man, this is heaven,” I said when Joe passed me another beer once I emerged from the pool and dropped my ass on a lounger. The start of the fall semester of our junior year had been one giant party after the other. Since the day I left Memphis after the blowout with my mother, I had only spoken to her twice. Things were strained between us after she threw that bomb at me. And I had no idea how to get over this one. All my life, I had trusted her to make the best decisions for me. But this time, she fucked it up pretty bad. I was still surfing the news months later. Bethany and I had gone out on a couple of dates, even though I wasn’t convinced I wanted to embark on an actual relationship. Last week, she’d been complaining I wasn’t making an effort to spend actual valuable time with her. The last thing I needed was to be attached to someone. Once upon a time, I might have thought we could make it work. These days, not so much.

Deep down, I was trying to be invested, but the hurt from my mother’s news was rooted deeper in me than I had anticipated.

Our family was a fucking joke. And I didn’t want to repeat the mistakes they’d made, so I put walls around me to get through my college years without the burden of caring too much for someone else.

Instead of throwing myself a pity party, I decided to act out. Never had I done that before, so it was about time I tried something new. Anyway, none of my previous ways of doing things worked. Being a straight A student with a good head on my shoulders had not helped me out. I’d lost a potential record deal. And the girl I wanted to be with. And maybe I’d lost my soul too somewhere along the way. Nothing was going as planned, and now I did my best to not give a shit about all the things I had no control over.

That was how bad things had gotten.

I, the guy always looking for a serious and long-term commitment and despising one-nighters, was enjoying the bachelor life a bit too much. Abby still haunted my dreams from time to time, but I had decided to not let her screw with my mind during the day. At night, it was another story, though. Me and my fist often let ourselves get carried away while in the shower or the comfort of my bed.

My entire childhood was a fucking lie. A big fat joke.

And since love and trust had taken a brand-new meaning lately, I had no intention of letting another human being dictate my actions. At twenty years old, I was now reevaluating everything I knew about life. I wouldn’t let anyone who hadn’t proved to me they were worth my time get too close.

Even my music had gone darker in the last few months. And sadder.

Gone were the lustful ballads and full of angst melodies.

I was angry, and it showed. My words were cruel and my voice, haunted.

Anderson Ford two-point-zero had taken over, and I had no idea how to send him back to where he belonged.

Today we were spread around a pool at the house of some girl from our class, whose parents had made it big in the pharmaceutical industry.

All the chicks in tiny bikinis, revealing almost everything, paraded around the backyard, sipping on expensive champagne and eating their weight in caviar and other appetizers that tasted nothing like actual food.

I lowered the shades over my eyes, scanning the people around us. Above, the sun shone high and hot. A hand through my hair confirmed it was tousled and still damp. My bare chest glistened with water droplets as I sipped on my beer.

“Well, that’s what happens when yours truly fucks the wealthiest girl in school. Thank you very much.” Joe’s grin lit up his face.

“I should start living my life according to your standards,” I said with a smirk. “One day at a time. No promises. No second dates. I bet life would be much simpler.”

My friend straightened and watched me over the rim of his sunglasses. “You serious right now?”

I shrugged. “Maybe. I’ve been doing great lately. Might as well make it a permanent habit.”

“Don’t say things like that, man. It gives me false hopes.” He shook his head. “Even though I’m wishing for it to be true, this new persona you’ve got going on is nothing like you. You’re not a no-kissing, just-fucking kind of guy. You know it. I know it. You’re the good one. The one girls want to take to Sunday dinner with their parents. The one making plans for the future. The trustworthy guy. The one who gives a shit.”

“Well, I don’t want to anymore.”

He snickered. “Well, sorry to tell you it doesn’t work like that.” He swung his legs over the edge of the chair and leaned toward me to tap my shoulder. “I’m sorry, man. I wish it was easier, and you could flip a switch, but no chance. Ten or twenty years from now, you’ll still be the good guy.”

I dragged a hand over my scruffy jaw. “We’ll see.”

Joe tapped his bottle to mine. “To you, Andy. You’re the best among us.”

“Look where it brought me.”

“It’s all gonna work out. Get out of this funk and be happy. Live your life. And please, stop with the sad, angry songs. Go back to your lover-boy hits. I miss them.”

I jerked both arms in the air. “You’re the one who wanted me to stop thinking about Abby and get into partying and stuff instead. And now that I’m over it—over her—you want me to go back to being that guy?”

He tilted his head back with a chuckle. “Let’s drink and forget I said anything.”