Page 54 of Game Plan

“All right, then.” His towering presence suffocated me. I took a step back, yearning to put some distance between us. “I’m sorry about everything.” Wait. What was I saying? “Don’t listen to me. My tongue and my brain aren’t connected anymore. I’m gonna go now because I’m tired and my feet are tired and my brain is tired too. I have a meet tomorrow afternoon and need all the rest I can get until then.”

“Mel. Please, don’t shut me out. You did once. And it fucked with my mind. Don’t do it again. I thought we agreed earlier.”

“It did? Fuck with your mind, I mean.” Jesus. Brain, please keep up.

He nodded. “Yeah. More than you can imagine. I’ve missed you. I valued our friendship, our easy relationship, our strong connection, the time we used to spend together. All of it. I thought I explained myself when you came over this afternoon.”

“You didn’t have to miss me. I set you free, Mason. Can’t you see it? I wasn’t part of your usual crowd. In all the time we’ve known each other, I always feared you’d break my heart… In the end, it did happen.” I paused. “But then I realized we’re just too different to be together. It was better I got heartbroken back then than later when I would have been too invested in you…in us. Without even meaning to, I would have clipped your wings. I didn’t want you to have regrets and hate me in the long run if you had to change in order for us to work out.”

He rubbed his nape. “You thought I would have regrets? That I didn’t really wanna be your friend?”

I shrugged, averting my eyes.

“Mel, the only person I wanted to be with was you. I just had no idea how to cross the friendship boundary with you without messing it all up. I’ve never done that before…be with a girl…well…have a girlfriend. It was all new territory to me. For months, I came up with all those silly ideas to knock on your front door just for a chance to spend a few hours with you. I was dying a slow death because I thought you didn’t see me like that…like-like boyfriend material. I was taking my time, trying to prove to you that I was all in. And that you would never be just a fling… That you could trust me. That day…the day you turned your back on me without a second thought after your parents and your coach ambushed you in her office, I thought I would die. I was heartbroken. I’m aware you were struggling, and it was a difficult time for you. I wanted to be there for you and hold your hand through all of it. I wanted to be the one you confided in, the one you turned to when things got rough, and you thought about forfeiting. I wanted to be your person, no matter what it implied”—he cleared his throat—“no matter the cost. In a lot of ways, you did the same thing Craig did to Paige...”

“I-I don’t know what happened between them.” It felt wrong to admit the truth out loud. I knew something tragic must have happened for them to separate right before starting college, but I didn’t feel it was my place to ask for explanations after how our friendship had exploded last year. Sure, I knew I was to blame and that my former best friend did what she did because she cared about me. In the end, I lost her, and I had no idea how to reach out to her, now that we had spent months without addressing each other.

“It’s not my story to tell. Not that I know a lot, to begin with. Long story short. All I know is that, since his breakup with Paige, my brother has withdrawn into himself. He trains, eats, goes to classes. And repeat. Nobody has any idea what went on in his head when he pushed her away. Paige can’t explain it either. It’s a mystery to everyone. And Craig refuses to explain it to anyone who asks. One afternoon during football camp last summer, he dropped to the floor and started bawling like a baby when I mentioned her name. He yelled at me to get out of his space, and after that, I never tried to meddle in his business again. I hope one day we’ll be able to fix our sibling relationship. I miss him. Anyway, let’s just say, you ditched us both without a second glance like we never meant anything to you…like I never meant anything to you.” He paused and took a deep breath, trying to settle his emotions. “It hurt. Losing you.” His voice strained, and I hated the fact I was the reason Mason had suffered. “You broke my heart, Mel. I’ve been missing you every second of my life since that morning. That piece of my heart beating in your chest, it’s still yours. You never gave it back, and I don’t want you to get rid of it either. Ever.”

“Mase—”

“No. Don’t Mase me. Everything I’m telling you right now is the truth.” He hung his head low, avoiding looking at me, the feelings he’d been locking down for so long pouring out from him and wrapping tight around my heart.

With trembling fingers, I reached for his hand. “Mase. I never meant to hurt you. I’ve been missing you too…more than I should…more than I was allowed to. Even though I had no right to.”

His lips parted, but I spoke again before he could say anything.

“It’s all water under the bridge. We’re older now, and wiser, so it doesn’t matter. I’m glad we both got the closure we deserved. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for the way I handled things. The morning you cornered me in the school hallway, I didn’t have time to put my armor on, and I felt so vulnerable. And then you threw that bomb at me… That you were enrolled here for college and it took me by surprise. I hated myself for each word leaving my mouth. It was the opposite of how I felt, but I thought it was better to... It doesn’t matter now, does it? Just so you know, our breakup, as you call it, has haunted my nights for a very long time.”

“Mel—”

“No. It’s okay.” I paused. “I’m okay. Anyway, I gotta go to bed.” I neared him, moved to my tiptoes, and kissed his cheek. My heart skipped a beat at the contact, and Mason’s breath hitched. I had to leave before my emotions turned messy and I complicated our relationship even more than it already was. “Good night, Mason.”

He slumped his shoulders and let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine. I’ll walk you.”

Without a word, we got in step.

The silence felt heavy and suffocating. After a minute, I cocked my head to look at him. “Again, you don’t have to.”

“I insist. I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t. I’ll worry until the morning.”

“Okay.” Why was my voice sounding like a whisper now? I feared the little progress we’d made tonight had just gone up in flames. An invisible vise strangled my heart, and I said nothing as we strolled toward the dorms side by side. Apart from our footsteps, the roar of occasional passing cars filled the silence. The air between us was charged with unsaid words and the weight of everything we had acknowledged out loud tonight and everything we hadn’t.

“Okay, you two got really personal about everything. You sure you’re fine?” Cassidy stood and stretched one arm over the table to touch my forehead. “No fever. Still, illnesses don’t all end up with a fever. Want me to check your throat?”

I pushed her arm away. “Sit down. I’m doing fine. A bit tired because I didn’t sleep last night, but other than that, I’m okay.”

Since I had spent most of my night tossing and turning, I had abandoned the comfort of my bed and met my roommate at six-thirty sharp at Hot Shot, stating we needed an emergency meeting right away. I was lucky it was slow this morning because Cassidy had agreed to sit with me for a few minutes. I summed up what had gone down between Mason and me yesterday. I needed to tell someone, or else I’d go crazy. I had a meet later today, and I had to clear my head first. Right now, Mason Pierce occupied every single slot, and I needed him gone in order to regain my focus.

“You can’t be okay. The guy is still in love with you. He really dropped the ‘man whore’ act for you?”

“That’s what he said.” I buried my face in my hands. “I can’t believe I told him about my nonexistent sex life. Who does that? I swear, he’s cast some kind of spell on me, because whenever he’s involved, I can only speak the truth. It’s terrible. I’m so ashamed.”

My friend peeled my hands off my face one by one. “Mel. There’s no reason for you to be ashamed. Nobody said you had to have sexual intercourse before starting college.”

“Sexual intercourse? Ugh, you sound like my high school biology teacher.”

“I’m studying psychology, remember? I need to be able to use grown-up language. It sounds more legit. Like, I know what I’m talking about.”