Page 54 of Down Bad

The kissing turns calm again. Diego’s lips release from mine as our foreheads gently touch, coming together. His eyes are closed. We hold each other as we gather our breath.

Saying nothing.

Yet it feels like we just said everything.

I can’t explain it. These moments. When we’re not pretending to be okay. Not playing it cool. Not being polite. When it’s just a fit of physical madness, then calm, and for a moment, we understand each other better than people I’ve shared countless words with my whole life.

Obviously this is my assessment.

Independent from his.

He could just be freaked out and lonely.

Or horny and bad at communication.

Maybe this means nothing to him.

“Sorry,” he breathes out.

I lift my eyebrows. It’s awkward trying to look at him with our foreheads together, faces mere molecules apart. “For what?” I ask as softly as I can manage.

“I don’t … I don’t know how to do this.”

I’m holding his waist. He’s gripping mine. Like two teens at a school dance and the slow song came on and neither of us knows what the hell to do with our stupid hands.

“Neither do I,” I whisper back.

He says nothing. His eyes are closed.

I think it’s easier for him to talk when they’re closed.

When I’m here, but not.

“Really making a mess out of all this, huh,” he mumbles.

“Yep, total fucking mess,” I agree.

He chuckles.

Wait.

Did I just make Diego Valdez chuckle?

It was slight. Barely a breath. But I did it. I made him chuckle.

He lets go of me suddenly and steps back. His eyes twist open. “Your soup’s getting cold.” He clears his throat. “Haven’t eaten all day. Don’t wanna waste it.”

“Yeah, of course,” I quickly agree, fighting some sort of weird fiery blush trying to invade my cheeks, then sit back down at the table with him, and suddenly we’re eating again.

I can’t quite say that the energy is less awkward than before.

Or that anything has improved between us.

But he kissed me again.

And didn’t run away.

And now we’re enjoying minestrone and focaccia together. In silence. Well, not quite silence, as there’s still rain tapping all over the windows.