Page 29 of Down Bad

I’m up to here with Wyatt.

Sick of seeing his face.

Hearing his voice.

And when I come home Wednesday, can’t even avoid the guy. He’s already crouched by the flowerbed looking them over. When I pass by, intent on just getting into the house, he stops me with a, “Good afternoon,” and before I can decide whether or not that’s true, he says, “I was just thinking how some things need care, even if it’s commonly assumed they can just get by on their own. Like these wildflowers … Weeds. All tough n’ rough on the outside, but when it comes down to it, they’re just like flowers.”

Then he gives me that smile.

That different one that doesn’t make sense.

Twinkle in his eyes.

Squishing me into submission.

“Good for them,” is all I can say, and doesn’t satisfy me at all, doesn’t make this ache go away, doesn’t change a damned thing as I head inside and shut the door on whatever else he says to me, if anything at all.

It’s midnight and I’m still awake.

1 AM, still awake.

I’m out of bed pacing the front of the house, glaring through the window at the faint light in the kitchen next door every time I pass by.

Then I stop.

I can’t take it anymore.

Don’t know what moves my limbs when I’m out on the porch. Then crunching over the grass in the dark. Then standing on his front porch, about to knock, the wood beneath my feet creaking.

Then my fist drops.

What am I doing? What am I thinking?

This was a mistake.

I turn to go, take the first step off the porch.

Then his voice comes. “Diego?”

I stop, turn.

His eyes are on me. Wide. No sparkle in them. Nothing.

Just fear.

And a bunch of loose roses in one hand.

Knife in the other.

Of course he’s afraid. Why wouldn’t he be? What the fuck was I thinking, creeping up to his house because I can’t sleep? Because he won’t let go of my mind? He’s just doing his own thing. And I’m exhausted and coming over here to blame him for it.

“Sorry,” I grunt through gritted teeth, then turn away.

And I almost make it all the way off that porch when he says, “You can stay, Diego.”

And traps me.

I can stay?