Page 99 of Second Chance

40

Put a Ring on It

[Denton]

I’ve finally made my way to a swing in the yard. I should check on Magnolia and Dolores, but I’m too exhausted. Five minutes, I tell myself. I can’t look at Dolores again. She looks so worn and empty, and I don’t know who to hate first. My mother or her douchebag boyfriend, who really isn’t a boyfriend but a sex partner. I shiver with the thought. Watching Dolores, I can almost see the weight on her shoulders. She knows she’s got to keep the pieces together once I leave. The diner. The house. Our grandmother.

Just let me handle things like I always do, she snapped at me. I realize the timing of our conversation could have been better. I’d just gotten the call from my agent, informing me of Healthy Male and I wanted to tamper my own guilt at leaving so quickly by pressing the issues at hand.

This is the recognition I’d been waiting for, I argued when I told her I was leaving.

Why? Why is it so important for the world to give you appreciation but not the people here?The people whose opinion should matter the most.

I scoffed, ready to tell her there wasn’t anyone here whose opinion I cared about, but Dolores waved a dismissive hand at me. Never mind. I don’t expect you to understand.

I wanted to continue arguing, but our grandmother entered the room with tears in her magnified eyes, and the discussion came to a halt.

As I sit on the swing, one I sat on a hundred times with Mati, I realize I’m wrong. There are people here who matter to me. Mati immediately comes to mind, and I search her out across the yard. My eyes drift to her son, Jordan and his wife, Maggie, so like Chris and what I pictured of Mati when they were young. They work the crowd like seasoned society members, and I wonder if Chris ever aspired to be mayor before Charlie took the title.

Was that the reason he signed off on illegal contracts with my father?

I shake my head, refusing to think of the complicated shitshow behind this funeral.

My eyes float over a stream of people to find Jax and his girl, Hollilyn. She’s a ball of energy, and her swollen belly reiterates the metaphor. She’s been the backbone of the diner the last week, and I know Dolores is eternally grateful. Staring at her round stomach, my heart grieves for other losses. The children I’ve never had. I don’t trust I would have been a good father, but I see what I might have missed when I watch Mati look at her boys. With a woman like her at my side, I could never be less than the man she expected. Then again, she didn’t have expectations of me. She had Chris.

Chris. Death. Hollilyn. Life. The circle goes around and around, just like Mati and me during this luncheon. I find myself drawn to her like she’s my sun, but then I’m a lost planet or an asteroid, shooting off in other directions. I search her out to ground me, to know I’m orbiting around these people I don’t recognize or don’t know, but she’s still there: the center of my universe. The one constant. A brush of her hand or a tender touch to my back and I feel restored, like I’m realigned.

“You creeping on my girlfriend, now, old man?” The gruff, masculine voice stirs me from my thoughts, and I blink as I realize I’m staring in the direction of Hollilyn. She sheepishly smiles, but the coy look isn’t for me. The look of love belongs to the man who hands me a glass of amber liquid and takes a seat next to me on the swing seat. Jax snorts as he grips the edge of the worn wooden slats and the rusty chains creak. Without a word, we both look up at the discolored S-clip holding the swing to the equally dull wooden support. I don’t look in his direction when I answer his snarky question, but return my gaze to the yard, not focusing on any one thing.

“Young blondes who are pregnant and madly in love with someone aren’t my thing.”

Jax huffs next to me.

“Yeah, and what is your thing?” I turn for him, but all I see is his profile. Masculine, edgy jaw, and the same colored eyes as Mati. The distinction between the twins lives in their eyes. Jax is more Harrington.

“Someone over forty with lion colored hair and a personality to match.” I chuckle at the appropriate description of his mother.

“Huh. I might know a woman like that.” Both of us awkwardly laugh, a certain tension waffling between us. Knowing he doesn’t like my interest in his mother, I reassure him of my future.

“Yeah, well, don’t worry about anything. I’ll be leaving tomorrow.” Jax’s head swings and the weight of his eyes burrow into the side of my head, but I refuse to look at him. I don’t need his smug face telling me it’s a good idea I’m going.

“What if she asked you to stay?” His question surprises me.

“Know something I don’t?” My eyes shift to him and away.

“I know her heart hurt for a long time after my dad died. I don’t want to see her go through that again.”

“I’m not dead,” I mutter.

“Nope. And that’s worse because it means you’re making a conscious choice to stay away when you could come back.” The idea lingers between us. Choice. I never felt I had any other choice than to leave this town. I don’t see returning to it a decision either.

Jax coughs as if he’s clearing his throat, preparing for a speech. He isn’t done with me yet. “I also might know a thing or two about losing a parent.”

My head swings back in his direction, but his eyes remain on the dirt a foot before us. His loss was nothing like mine. He had a great father. Without knowing Chris during his fatherhood years, I just know he was the man. My dad was an asshole, and as for the loss of my mother, I think I lost her so long ago I’m numb to the current situation.

“I know it’s not really the same,” he begins as if he reads my thoughts. “I mean, I don’t know much about you, but for me, it was hard to lose my dad.” Jax swallows. “I loved my dad, and I know he loved me, but I wasn’t Jordan. I didn’t become the lawyer and follow in his footsteps. I didn’t marry the first girl. I’ve been a bit more reckless.” Jax swipes a hand through his hair. “A bit more of a player.”

I chuckle a little. I definitely know about that.