Page 21 of Make it a Double

Right?

Whatever was happening was just stress. I wouldn’t know how to ask for help if someone handed me step-by-step instructions, so I tackled problems head-on and alone. That’s it.

But as I came to a stop at one of approximately three traffic lights in Pinecrest, I couldn’t get Olivia’s words out of my head.

I could barely keep anything down during my first trimester with Charlie.

It made the first few months of my pregnancy pretty rough.

Glancing around, I put my car into park in the middle of the road and grabbed my phone. I didn’t track my period in an app because I didn’t trust any company with that kind of information, but I marked the days on the calendar with a red X emoji so I could calculate myself.

Okay, so my last period was at the beginning of August, and it was currently the middle of October. Skipping a cycle wasn’t entirely suspicious for me. I’d never been regular, much to my dismay. However, skipping a period when I’d had sex only a few weeks after the last one was cause for concern.

No, no, no. There was no way. I couldn’t be…

Even thinking about it made me sicker. Quickly, I opened my door and heaved. Nothing of substance came out, thanks to my stomach being completely empty, yet I felt like I somehow had my answer.

Before I could overthink everything, I put my car in drive and headed over to the brand new gas station ten minutes out of my way. It was just off the highway, and was supposed to draw people to Pinecrest as a pit-stop from their travels, but it was completely empty as I parked.

I got out of my car and headed inside, keeping my head down as the cashier mumbled a less-than-enthusiastic greeting, scanning the small aisles until I found what I was looking for.

A pregnancy test.

I wasn’t sure how I thought this moment would go, but it sure as hell wasn’t standing in a convenience store at half past midnight, scared out of my mind. It felt more like a cautionary tale than a happy one.

My fingers shook as I reached out and grabbed one of the boxes. There was only one brand, thankfully, so I didn’t have to waste precious time trying to figure out the merits of each one.

I tucked it beneath my arm, ready to head for the cashier, when I stopped. Maybe I should grab a couple more. False positives and negatives happened sometimes. I’d rather take multiple tests to make sure the answer was correct. You know, for science or whatever.

Grabbing the other three on the shelf, I made my way back to the cashier. Thankfully, I didn’t know the girl. That was good. I wouldn’t have to worry about this getting around town by morning.

“Is this all?” she asked. Her voice sounded as bored as she looked.

“Yup. That’s it. Just me and my pregnancy tests.” I closed my eyes, internally cringing at how awkward I was being. I just needed to shut up so I could leave.

“Cool. That’ll be $55.17.”

I cringed as I handed the girl my emergency credit card. This was definitely an emergency, but lately bills had piled up and I’d had to use a good chunk of my credit limit to have Gram’s Camry fixed. Again. I waited not-so-patiently while she rang up the total and slowly bagged everything. As she held it out to me, I quickly pulled it from her grasp and was out the door before she could mumble a half-assed goodbye.

SAWYER

“Okay, Sawyer. It’s fine. Everything’s fine. You’re just waiting for test results from a pregnancy test. No big deal.” I glanced down at the stick in question, leaning against the yellowed wallpaper in my bathroom. “Yeah, right. Quit lying to yourself.”

The internet said I should take the test first thing in the morning. Something about the hormones being more present after not emptying your bladder all night. However, that wasn’t an option for me. There was no way I could wait until morning when these three minutes felt like an eternity already.

My head was already swimming with anxious thoughts and worst-case scenarios. I could barely keep my grandma and myself afloat as it was. How was I supposed to add a whole other person to the mix? A very tiny one who couldn’t fend for themselves, at that.

Immediately, I started ticking off a list of things I’d need to do. I was going to have to ask Duke and Liv for a raise. I’d probably still need to pick up a second job, even if just while I was pregnant, so I could build up some kind of savings when I’d have to be out of work after the baby was born. And then I had to think about what to do when I was ready to go back. Maeve could barely take care of herself, let alone an infant. Could I even afford daycare? No, I knew I couldn’t. I sometimes overheard parents complaining about it over happy hour.

Oh god. What the fuck was I going to do?

Deep breaths, Sawyer. Deep breaths. You have options. It’ll be okay.

It had to be.

These were the moments I wished I could pick up the phone and call my mom. She was younger than I was when she got pregnant with me. She must have been so scared. I just wanted someone to talk through this with me. I didn’t know what to think or how to feel. If I was happy, sad, or somewhere in between. Maybe I just needed to be told I wasn’t alone. That they’d be by my side the entire time and wouldn’t leave me.

Beckett and his stupidly charming smile flashed in my mind, and I groaned. A no-strings-attached fling seemed fun until I wound up possibly pregnant with no way of contacting the father. I didn’t know anything about the man, other than he came from big money. There was no business card or a phone number scribbled on a bar napkin. I didn’t even know his last name.