Page 70 of In at the Deep End

“He tells you he’s had the great love of his life. Now he keeps everything casual. No expectations, no commitments.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’ve been thinking about that ever since.”

Matt hadn’t realised it until Eric said the words. “You’re right.”

“So here’s the question. Does that life appeal to you, or are you just fascinated because it’s completely different from anything you’ve ever seen?”

Matt let out a slow breath. “I honestly don’t know.”

“I believe you.” Eric’s voice rang with sincerity. “But you don’t find answers to questions like that by sitting in front of your laptop analysing them.”

“No?”

Eric let out a wry chuckle. “Mate, all this time you’ve spent on your master’s, you’ve been analysing how films shape people’s expectations. And now you’re trying to analyse yourself the same way.”

Matt looked down at the grass.

“Life doesn’t work like a dissertation. You don’t gather all the evidence, write a conclusion, and then go out and live it.”

Matt huffed. “If it did, none of us would ever do anything.”

“You want to know if you’re attracted to men? Fine. You want to know whether Owen’s version of life appeals to you? Also fine. But you can’t answer either question by thinking harder.”

Matt was quiet.

“Owen invited you to that party for a reason.”

“He was just being friendly.”

“Maybe. Or maybe he saw someone who’s curious rather than judgmental.”

Matt thought about Owen saying, Consider it an education.

“Either way, go. Meet people. Watch. Talk. Ask questions if you want to. Dance if somebody drags you onto the floor.” Eric chuckled. “You don’t have to sleep with anyone. You don’t have to come home with a label. You don’t have to make any grand declarations.”

“Just… experience it?”

“Exactly.”

Silence stretched between them again.

Eric’s quiet voice filled his ear. “You know what you’ve been doing for years?”

“What?”

“Waiting until you know exactly how the story ends before you’re willing to turn the page.”

That found its mark, somewhere deep.

Eric laughed. “Mate… nobody gets to live like that.”

“No.”

“So stop trying to solve your entire life before you’ve lived the next chapter. You’re allowed to be curious.” Eric paused. “In fact, curiosity might be the best thing that’s happened to you in years.”

Owen’s words were still in his head.