Page 60 of In at the Deep End

That was the part that wouldn’t leave him alone. He’d expected nudity, sex, but that tenderness had floored him.

At university, the gay lads he’d known had confirmed his belief that gay relationships were mostly about hookups and one-night stands. They were always talking about Grindr, rarely mentioning anyone twice.

That wasn’t a criticism. It was simply the only picture he’d ever been shown.

Tonight he’d seen another one, built on laughter, conversation, affection…

Love.

Maybe being gay isn’t a different way of living after all. Maybe it’s simply another way of building a life.

He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes again.

Without warning, another memory surfaced. One man cradling the other’s face, the whisper of a kiss, the way they gazed at each other afterwards.

His pulse quickened. Matt opened his eyes.

“Was that just a film?” he murmured.

He reached for his phone, slipped in his earbuds, and opened a browser. For a moment his thumb hovered over the keyboard.

Then he typed: gay romance love scenes.

He wasn’t looking for sex.

He wanted to know if what he’d seen tonight was real.

Seconds later, he had enough results to hopefully help him answer that question.

Matt stuffed a pillow under his head, bent his legs, and propped his phone against them. There was no storyline to speak of, but what he saw reminded him of the scene he’d viewed earlier. The same emotion, the kisses, the caresses⁠—

Then someone flicked a switch, and the heat went from warm to scorching, from loving to hot as fuck.

Matt couldn’t look away.

He couldn’t leave his phone where it was, either, because something was happening under the sheets, clamouring for attention.

He stood the phone against another pillow, only now he slid his hand beneath cool cotton to find a warm, hard shaft. He rolled his hips, fingers curled around his dick, tightening his grip as he stared at the small screen, his ears filled with the sounds of two men pushing each other closer to the edge. He watched as they rocked together, and fuck, he was moving with them, unable to prevent it, his breathing matching theirs, his hand faster around his cock. He wanted to slow down, to delay the inevitable, but there was no stopping it now.

The men’s cries grew harsh, their breathing erratic, and Matt took shallow breaths, his chest rising and falling, his belly quivering. And when that familiar tingle overwhelmed him, when electricity zinged its way through him, Matt came harder than he’d ever done in his life, shoving his hand into his mouth to keep the sound inside him, the cry he knew was dying to be released.

Warmth coated his chest and neck, the force of his orgasm greater than he’d anticipated, and he bit down onto the side of his hand, his back arched, his cock still throbbing, pulsing out its last drops.

When he was finally spent, Matt lay there, chest heaving, the smell of spunk in his nostrils, and the sound of men kissing still in his ears.

And that’s what’s missing from this scene.

There was no one to kiss him, to hold him.

To touch him.

For a moment, he wondered if he’d see anything like that at Owen’s party.

Then he froze at the sound of a door opening.

Go to sleep, Matt.

Before you get yourself in any deeper.