Page 46 of In at the Deep End

“I loved him. Past tense.” His voice broke. “I loved him then.”

She searched his face. “And me?”

“I loved you too.”

Cyn’s eyes locked on his. “But differently.”

He couldn’t reply.

That was answer enough.

She turned away from him, gripping the edge of the worktop with both hands.

“I don’t even know what to ask first.” She took a breath. “So why marry me?”

“Because walking away from him hurt.” He shuddered out a breath. “And after surviving that, I honestly believed I’d proved I could live without that part of myself.” He forced out a bitter laugh. “I thought I’d beaten it.”

“You thought choosing me meant you’d won.”

“Yes.” Another pause. “I wasn’t trying to deceive you.”

“No?” A note of incredulity had crept into her voice.

“I thought I’d already made the hardest choice of my life.” His shoulders sagged. “I thought loving you would be enough.”

“Enough for who?”

He stared.

Her face grew tight. “For you?” She shook her head. “Because it wasn’t enough for me. And you made that decision for both of us.”

He closed his eyes. “I know.”

“No, I don’t think you do.” Her voice cracked once more. “Do you know how many times I wondered what was wrong with me?”

Owen opened his eyes, his stomach plummeting. Cyn had turned away, wrapping her arms around herself.

“I thought you’d stopped wanting me. I thought maybe I’d changed after Callum was born. Maybe I’d put on weight. Maybe I wasn’t exciting anymore.”

The words landed like blows.

“Cyn—”

“I blamed myself. Every time you turned away. Every time you kissed me goodnight instead of making love to me. Every time I reached for you and you were tired. I thought I’d done something wrong.”

His vision blurred. “You never did.”

“I know that now.” She turned enough for him to see the tears spilling down her cheeks. “But I didn’t know it then.” She looked at him, her chin trembling, the colour drained from her face. “You should have trusted me with the truth.”

“I know.”

“You should have told me before we got married.”

He nodded. “I know.”

“Before we had Callum.”

A long silence settled between them. When she finally spoke again, her voice was almost a whisper.