Page 206 of In at the Deep End

Owen forced himself to continue. “I spent a lot of time thinking about the future.”

Matt’s jaw tightened again. “The age difference. I knew this was coming.”

“What?”

“The conversation about me being young and you being old.”

Owen shook his head. “No. Not like that.”

“Then how?”

He forced himself to take even, regular breaths.

“I started imagining things, years from now. You looking back and wondering why you chose me.”

Matt’s breathing hitched. “That’s not fair.”

“I know.”

“I mean to me.”

Owen nodded. “I know.”

Matt’s eyes were huge. “You decided how I’d feel.”

He swallowed. “Yes.”

“You decided what I’d regret.”

He gazed at the rug beneath his feet. “Yes.”

“Why?”

There was only the truth.

“Because I loved you.” He heard the ragged edge in Matt’s breathing, but he ploughed ahead before fear could stop him. “I just didn’t know that was what it was.”

“I… I don’t understand.”

Owen huffed. “I didn’t either. I always thought if I fell in love again, I’d know.”

His voice shook a little. “With Ben, I knew. Ben was lightning.”

Matt expelled a lingering breath. “And lightning doesn’t strike twice.”

He raised his chin, seeking Matt’s face. The small, sad smile wasn’t what he expected to find. Matt’s eyes were warm.

“Owen… you’re allowed to be happy.”

Owen swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I didn’t believe that.” He paused. “And the strangest thing is… I kept waiting for this to feel like it did with Ben.”

Matt watched him.

“But it didn’t.” Owen let out a sigh. “Because it wasn’t the same.” He stared into Matt’s eyes. “It was different, because you were different.” He looked towards the window. “The worst part is, I didn’t fall in love with you in one moment. I can’t point to a single day and tell you that was when it happened.” He bit back a smile. “It was cups of tea. Garden centres.” His lips twitched. “You arguing with me about plants.”

A breath of laughter escaped Matt.

“You laughing at films you’d seen a hundred times.” Owen’s voice grew soft as he returned his gaze to Matt. “You sitting in my kitchen like you belonged there.”