Page 177 of In at the Deep End

The worst part was Owen knew Matt would do it.

That was who he was. Loyal, kind, compassionate. The sort of man who stayed when things became difficult, who searched for reasons to hold on rather than reasons to leave.

And that was what terrified Owen.

Matt wouldn’t walk away when the years caught up with them. He wouldn’t resent the appointments, the slower pace, the things Owen could no longer do. He would simply adapt. He would love him.

And one day, Owen would become the reason Matt’s world became smaller.

The thought hollowed him out.

He gazed at the house, the barn, the places where Matt had left pieces of himself without even realising it. The place where he had somehow filled a hole in a life that had never been meant to have room for him.

Ben had been Owen’s miracle, the kind of love people searched their whole lives for and never found. Six years. Six perfect years.

Owen had already been given more than most people ever received.

How could he ask for more?

How could he take someone else’s future when he already knew what it felt like to lose one?

His phone buzzed, but he ignored it. A breeze moved through the garden, stirring the leaves.

For the first time, Owen understood the thing that frightened him most.

He wasn’t afraid Matt would leave him.

He was afraid Matt wouldn’t.

Because if Matt stayed, Owen would have to accept something he’d spent weeks refusing to see.

This wasn’t desire, or companionship. It wasn’t just enjoying having someone beside him. Matt mattered more than that.

Without warning, Matt had become someone Owen loved, and that was exactly why he had to let him go.

He closed his eyes.

He’d spent years making sure nobody needed him. Nobody depended on him. Nobody could be hurt by losing him.

Then Matt had walked into his life and somehow made himself at home without ever asking permission.

Owen swallowed.

I love him.

And loving Matt meant wanting the best for him, even if the best thing for Matt was a life without Owen in it.

Tomorrow, he would start making things easier.

He would create distance. He would be careful. He would do what he had always done.

He would leave before someone had the chance to lose him.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Matt stood by the pool, surveying Owen’s garden.

There wasn’t much left to do now.