Page 21 of Retrofit Analysis

Elizabeth’s eyes return to mine and I lean closer to her, dropping my other hand to her shoulder so she’s sitting between my arms. “It’s been a really long time since I did anything like this,” I tell her.

She snorts. “Uh, yeah. Me, too.”

I close the distance between us and kiss her, feeling my lips melt into hers. It’s familiar and new. Strange and magnificent. As I move my lips, deepening the kiss, my thoughts flit between how this feels so different from kissing my wife and how I shouldn’t be thinking about my wife when I’m kissing someone else.

Elizabeth’s tongue slips into my mouth, dotting against mine. I groan, tasting her. We both taste like whiskey, like heat. Like discovery. She puts both her hands on my shoulders, too, pulling us close against one another.

I adjust my legs and she’s kneeling between my thighs, kissing me, moaning. I hear nothing, see only her as she seems to fill my entire body with her wanting. Elizabeth is pressed tightly against my chest and I feel the heavy weight of her breasts. I think I can sense the hard pebbles of her nipples and the realization of that has me gasping for breath.

I break the kiss, resting my forehead against hers. “Kellen,” she breathes. “I want you.”

“I want you, too,” I say, kissing her again, and then stopping. “I don’t know if I know how.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know if I do, either.”

I hold her then, and she rests her head on my shoulder, the two of us panting. Eventually, she pulls back and kisses me on the forehead. “I should go home,” she says, rising from the couch, slipping through my fingers like rainwater.

I rise along with her. “When can I see you again?”

She laughs, smoothing out her jeans and adjusting her short hair. “The next time you look out your window I guess.”

I frown, gesturing at her walking boot. “I’m walking you home,” I tell her. “This is still a date, after all.”

She nods. “I’ll accept that.” We navigate our way down my steps, and between her cast and my sore foot, we actually seem to need the physical support when we clasp hands. And we walk that way across the street, holding each other’s hands until she gets her front door open.

“Good night,” I tell her, lifting our clasped hands and kissing her knuckles.

The smile she gives me stays with me until I fall asleep.

Seventeen

Elizabeth

I touch my lips with the pads of my fingers. I can still feel him, still taste him. The thrill of making out with Kellen is overwhelming, and when I get inside, I can’t even manage to say goodnight to my son. He doesn’t notice anyway, thankfully. Just grunts as I walk past on the way to my bedroom.

I can’t remember the last time I felt this alive. Between Kellen happily conversing with my son, just bantering with him about Star Wars like it was a regular Friday night…and the whiskey. And the feel of his body pressed against mine. I might swoon.

I sit on the edge of my bed, vibrating. No, wait. My phone is vibrating.

“Lisa,” I hiss into the phone. “Holy shit!”

“You better tell me everything. Are you naked right now? Oh my god why are you answering the phone?”

“Todd didn’t show up. Obviously.” I hear her hurl profanity and it sounds like she’s throwing something. She’s probably doing dishes while we talk. Lisa only buys plastic plates and bowls so she can slam them around for emphasis when she fights with Ashish. “But we kissed,” I blurt out.

She squeals. “Oh, Liz. I’m so stinking happy for you. Was it awesome?”

I flop back on the sheets, the muscles of my cheeks straining from all the smiling I’m doing. “Unreal,” I tell her. I describe how Kellen was so awesome with Jake, so friendly.

“Good men being good with kids is like the ultimate turn-on,” Lisa says, and I know she’s doing dishes now because I hear her bang the counter.

“It really is.” I feel a bubble of shame, not for the first time, at not seeing Todd for a dirtbag sooner. What kind of man can’t be bothered to get to know his son? “I haven’t even had to explain Jake to Kellen, Lisa. He just seems to understand how to talk to him.”

“Well,” she says, “I feel like there’s a stereotype about engineers being on the spectrum anyway. He’s probably used to it.”

“But also, he’s charming. He makes my kid smile. And I know Jake feels comfortable with him, which makes me feel comfortable…” I drift off, not sure if I should tell her just how comfortable I was getting tonight. I was so close to orgasm, just from rubbing my chest against his.

I’ve been using my facial massager almost every day since I got it and it’s like I uncorked a river of sexual energy.