Page 1 of My Sunfall

Prologue

Chiara

“Hello, Mamma.” My quiet voice echoes in the graveyard, and the biting cold turns the words into clouds of condensation. I look at the headstone even though the chiseled lines are carved forever in my mind.

Daria Bianchi, beloved wife and loving mother.

My heart clenches painfully every time I read the gilded letters. She had been neither.

“I haven’t been here for a while.” I crouch down to pick up the withered stem of the rose I’d left there last week. “Things are settling. Little Dante is six months old now, and he is such a sweet nephew.” I brush my hand over the cold marble to wipe away dry leaves that have fallen on the grave. Then I lay the white rose I have been holding on the exact same spot where I placed each of the roses I had brought previously. My eyes sting.

“God.” I let out a ragged breath. “How is it possible to miss someone even though they have been such a failure as a parent and as a human being?” I remain crouched, feeling the heaviness of the past weighing down on my shoulders.

“The truth is, despite everything, you are still the only mother I had, and now that you are gone, it feels like there is a hole in my life, like I don’t know where I belong anymore.” A lone tear spills out of my eye to roll down my cheek and drip onto the marble.

“And Father…” A quiet sob escapes my lips. “He—he’s not himself anymore. He has been drinking…a lot.” I rub my right hand over my left arm, feeling the lingering soreness under my coat. “Everything seems so unreal since you’ve been gone. And at the same time, it feels like life has settled for everyone but me. You have been the one to tether me, in your own way.”

I pause, searching for the right words.

“Or rather, controlling me. I’ve been your broken puppet. I let you pull all the strings. I was your ticket to recognition, and you didn’t hesitate to dangle me in front of the wolves like a piece of meat.” I lay my hand on the cold stone, feeling the iciness seep into me through the skin. I suppress a shudder and take a steadying breath before I go on. “I tried… I really tried to be the perfect daughter. I was obedient, I let you rule my life, because the only thing I wanted in return was for you to love me.”

I sob quietly as more tears spill out over my cheeks. I angrily wipe them away. “But I came here to let you know that I am done being that woman. I turned twenty-six last month, and I am done cowering and letting others dictate my life. It’s time to take my fate into my own hands.”

Slowly standing up, I look one last time at the headstone. “There won’t be any more regular visits, Mother. It is time I moved on.” I linger for a moment, unsure of what to say. “Goodbye, Mamma,” I finally whisper.

Then I turn around and walk away without a backward glance.

Chapter One

Chiara

“Hey, sis.” Lily’s sweet voice greets me as she stands up with a bright smile. I step closer and hug her, my heartbeat easing at last at her warm embrace. She has that effect on people, and she has been my anchor since we were children, when Father had brought her into our home after his mistress, Lily’s mother, died of cancer. We have been like sisters in blood since then, having each other’s back and wiping away each other’s tears.

“Hi, Lee.” The nickname I’ve given her since we were children grounds me in its familiarity. I kiss her cheek and we sit down in front of each other at the small table in our favorite coffee shop.

“How is my favorite nephew?” I ask with a grin. Dante is such an adorable little boy, and I can’t hear enough stories about him.

“He’s great.” Lily beams, pride glowing on her face. “He is getting bigger by the day and he is an angel. Dark’s with him this morning.”

Damiano, Dark as she calls him, is her husband and Boston’s Mafia boss. They have been married for a year now and their love is one for the storybooks.

“How are you, sis?” Lily asks softly, her gaze prying but gentle.

I shrug with a small smile that feels a little too brittle. “As usual, why?”

She watches me intently. “I don’t know, you seem…off.”

She knows me too well. I glance down at the steam curling up from my tea and let out a long breath, searching for words.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “Maybe I am.” I stir the tea, still trying to grasp for words. “I’m feeling restless, like I’m floating and I don’t know what to do with my life. Like everyone has found their place and I’m still wandering the map.” I frown, not sure how to express the way I feel. “It’s like…I’m living someone else’s life and waiting for mine to start.” I look up into her eyes. “I don’t know if that makes sense…”

“Oh, honey.” She gives a concerned look and takes my hand on the table to squeeze. “Then why don’t you let go and start living your life?” Her voice is low, almost conspiratorial. “Show them who you really are.”

My heart clenches in my chest, but I try to paste on a brave smile. “You know I can’t, it’s too late.” How do I tell her that behind the façade of the perfectly poised Mafia woman there is nothing but a fractured mirror, the pieces still fitting together to form a whole but the reflection in them distorted and chaotic? How do I tell her that I am broken beyond repair, that if I open up, the shards that shape me might fall apart and crumble?

“You could,” she insists, her eyes holding mine. “You just won’t.”

I shrug, feeling my throat constrict. “Let’s not go there please, Lee.”