Page 56 of The Incendiary

Daytime was easier. I relished the freedom of hiding in plain sight. Fera from Brinnea’s fight and spirit felt more real to me than Aryella Gold, the prophesied queen, ever had. After all I’d learned in previous months, I finally had a space to breathe and exist, unburdened by the throne that would soon be mine.

For so long, Simeon’s fear of me had convinced him to suppress and control me, like a piece of gold, melted and cast into his ideal crown. But Gavin filled the cracks Simeon left in me with molten silver and gave me time to solidify and harden. I became something different. Someone I refused to let anyone else break. My secrecy wouldn’t last forever, but being someone I chose to be was addicting.

I couldn’t see or touch him. I couldn’t embrace him while he held me with his resolve and his beautifully tragic loyalty. But the thought of him steadied me.

For now, this had to be enough.

Elias watched me closely during sparring and continued to give me opponents much larger and stronger than me. He’d been mostly tolerable outside the fortress walls and now scowled at me inside them. It felt like whiplash. Thankfully, we hadn’t had to endure each other one-on-one since I’d led him to the body.

The first test was tomorrow. Whatever it entailed, I planned on succeeding.

“Do you think it will be dangerous?” Mina was huddled next to me at dinner. “And I mean… truly dangerous.” We kept our conversation low, an easy feat among the clamorous evening chatter.

“As in deadly?” Mavic retorted, shrugging. “Not sure Winterton can afford to lose any of us prematurely.”

We also couldn’t afford to be weak and unprepared. If he made these tests potentially fatal, I would understand why, but I prayed he didn’t.

My attention lingered on Mina. How young she felt. The twins would turn twenty this Aesta, which made me physically older than them by only six months. Mina had opted not to come to Commencement at eighteen, and Mavic had refused to leave her despite clearly belonging here. Mina was soft and timid, just like I’d been months ago. Maybe I still was, deep down. I’d just learned how to convince myself and others that I wasn’t.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, Mina.” I squeezed her hand, knowing I would abandon my disguise to protect her if necessary. She was small, like me, but didn’t have a teacher who left her with a rich repository of instruction and affirmations to pull from.

Mavic glanced between us while he chewed and swallowed, a playful gleam in his eye. “Will you protect me, too, Fera?”

“Yes,” I laughed, as if Mavic couldn’t defend himself against every cadet, and probably half of the fully trained soldiers, in this hall. “You have my word.”

“Good. I’m not too prideful to accept help.” He popped a piece of cheese in his mouth. “I’m determined to meet my niece or nephew, and I can’t meet them if I’m dead.” His sly gaze traveled to a tall brunette a few seats away. “Also, I doubt Yara Mason would stay interested in me if I’m horribly maimed and can’t perform.”

Mina winced. “Do you only ever think about sex?”

Mavic paused mid-chew. “Do you never think about it?”

She blushed. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“You’re the one who asked, Min.”

I laughed through my bite of stew. There was never a dull moment between the twins. They weren’t even blood relatives to Caz and Finn, but with their banter, they might as well have been.

“Your niece or nephew?” I asked, hating playing dumb but eager for more information on Caz and the others.

“Our older sister is heavily pregnant,” Mina explained, lowering her voice. “She’s the one married to Caz, who injured his leg fetching the queen.”

“It’s not injured. It’s gone,” Mavic corrected her. “Before we’re sent off to our posts, we’re planning on taking a short trip northeast of the Caves, just to get Marin out of there for a bit. Some sunshine to help her recover as a new mom. Mina and I will go, Caz, his brother Finn, and his lady, Gemma.”

I smiled at his lady.

“That sounds wonderful,” I remarked.

“You should come with us,” Mavic suggested. “It depends, of course, on how tensions are closer to Aesta. The Wintertons typically permit small groups to travel outside of the Caves on occasion, but a lot can happen in a few months. I bet Gemma and Marin would love you.”

“I’d love to.” Though a lot would change by then, namely my identity.

While I listened to every word Mavic said, Mina stared longingly at her food. I remembered what that felt like. The gnawing ache in my stomach and the throbbing, cloudy emptiness in my head from lack of nutrition and fuel. Her hunger sparked something protective in me.

“We have a big day tomorrow,” I told her. “I’m going to get a little more food. Can I get you anything?”

Her fire-red braid slipped off her shoulder as she turned, her smile not reaching her ears. “No, thank you. I can’t eat when I’m nervous.”

Gavin had used cold, sharp commands to get me eating. His harshness had shocked me, snapped me out of my daze, and made me angry. He had riled me up until I fought back and realized the gravity of my situation. That I’d been dying. It had worked for me, but I wasn’t sure it would work for Mina.