Page 196 of The Incendiary

My muscles locked up. Gemma reached for my hand and squeezed. I had questioned before why Gavin’s surname was misspelled, but like most things eight months ago, I hadn’t questioned it enough.

This time, it was me who took a huge gulp of wine while digging my nails into my palm, redirecting my brain to something more tolerable. I refused to shed tears in the Duke of Peradine’s lavish dinner hall.

I listened to the remaining requests with Gemma and Finn. When the festivities were over, I was exhausted, and there was still no sign of Elias returning. I dragged myself up the stairs, bid good night to the others, and dead-bolted the door to my room.

“I’m going out to hunt,” Shera told me before leaping out of the window and scaling down to the first floor. “I’ll be back in two hours.”

“Be safe, please,” I called after her, plopping down on the bed.

I fidgeted with the ring around my neck. Elias hadn’t asked about it in weeks, but I caught him glancing at it often. He had to notice the larger ring was missing. Buried with Gavin, where Shera had left it, never to be seen again.

I was about to undress and find the coolest nightgown in my bag, curl into bed and read a book to take my mind off everything, when someone knocked. Irritated by whoever was keeping me from resting, I walked over and threw open the door.

Elias stood with one arm resting on the frame, his other hand rubbing at his chin like he so often did. When he saw me, he straightened, his loose white shirt clinging to his muscles as he shifted.

“Can I come in?” he asked, glancing over my shoulder. When he saw I was alone, his relief was palpable.

Who did he think I would have in here? The Duke of Peradine stowed away behind the door like a secret lover?

I stepped back, and he brushed past me, keeping a respectful distance but thoroughly taking inventory of the mahogany dresser and bookshelves and white armchair adorned with ivory lace. The untouched bed with its shiny, snow-white silk bedding. The wide-open balcony doors that opened to the humid, salt-teemed air and heated breeze of the night. Me. My bare feet on the cool, white, black-speckled marble tile and freshly unbound hair. As his shameless gaze raked over me, I could have sworn his chest shuddered.

“You were, of course, brilliant tonight.” Elias ran his hand through his hair as he paced. Vexed didn’t quite cover it. “I’m sorry if I was overbearing.”

Brief but powerful memories of him flashed through me. Elias couldn’t fathom overbearing.

“It’s al⁠—”

“Actually, I’m not.” He stopped pacing, clenched his fists, and stared me down with heated desire. “I’m not sorry.”

“What?” I muttered.

“I hated the way the duke looked at you.” His normally smooth voice was unstable, as if he was realizing all this in real time and didn’t have a clue what to do with any of it. He stepped closer. “I hate the way they all look at you.”

“It didn’t bother you when I was Fera.” I crossed my arms over my chest and lifted my chin. Subconscious attempts at self-preservation. “When men looked at me.”

Elias chuckled ruefully under his breath. “Oh, it did. I just… hated myself for having feelings I’d never had before for someone who wasn’t the queen”—hands flexing at his sides, he corrected—“who I didn’t know was the queen.”

“Well, we got what I wanted,” I said, desperate to change the subject.

“What we wanted,” he corrected, jaw flexing. But his eyes darted to the side, unsure. “Ary.” My eyes snapped to him at the urgent plea in his tone. “What else do you want?”

“Well, we’ve secured access to the tome.” I fidgeted with the beaded bracelet on my wrist. “It’s a start, though I have no idea how long it will take me to open it.”

“You know that’s not what I mean⁠—”

“Maybe only a few weeks if we’re lucky. I think⁠—”

“I haven’t so much as looked at another woman since I found out who you are.”

My stomach dropped. My skin flushed. “Eli⁠—”

“And even before that, I didn’t,” he pushed forward, eyes full of longing. Vulnerable, like that day in the woods while searching for Finch, who I reminded myself he wanted me to kill. “Not for quite a while. I didn’t think about anyone else because I just wanted you.”

Did he want praise? A round of applause? But part of me kicked myself for my scorn. He seemed to be trying. I had to give him that. And he was more sincere than I’d ever seen him.

But I was not ready for whatever… this was.

“I have feelings for you, Aryella. Strong feelings that I’ve never felt for anyone before. You and I… it’s not just an arrangement to me. It never has been.” His hands fell limply at his sides. “But I’m terrified that you…”