Page 153 of The Incendiary

I turned away from them both, ashamed, though I knew I had no reason to be. I had already been beaten and gawked at, then prodded and examined enough for one night. It all bled together in a convoluted mess of targeted violation and apathetic disregard.

“Ary?” Mavic pressed while Mina climbed down from her top bunk and lit a few more lanterns. He looked me over with worried eyes. “What’s going on?”

I shook my head. It was too much to explain. It was all just too much. I wanted to curl up in bed, in his black sweater, and sleep.

Mina’s eyes traveled down between my legs, where stains of red bled through the light fabric of my pants. I wanted to ignore it, leave it as a problem for tomorrow when I could think straight. Mina, growing visibly paler at the sight, stepped forward to block my legs from Mavic’s view.

“Hey.” She calmly took my hands. “Let’s go to the bathroom?”

I looked into her bright green eyes, and though we were about the same size, she suddenly felt much taller. Stronger and more capable than I was tonight.

I tried and failed to keep my bottom lip from trembling and more tears from escaping. Before I could break again, she firmly clasped her hand in mine and pulled me into the bathroom away from a worried Mavic.

I looked around the small room. It had a small tub but no shower.

No more showers.

“Can you sit?”

I carefully lowered myself onto the bench next to the tub. The open wounds on my thighs stretched and stung. If I was here, I could at least put some of the salve Abram had given me onto my wounds.

“Who was it?” Mina asked hushedly. I told her all four names. She shuddered in horror, and then, “Did they assault you?”

I froze, thrust back into memories I didn’t want. They had beaten me. Their hands had been on my naked body. At a certain point, I’d succeeded in blocking it out. All of it. Was that assault?

“I wasn’t… raped.”

She nodded profusely, holding back tears, and I could tell she was trying to hide her relief, too. “They assaulted you.”

A ragged, broken sob. “They…” My voice shook. I gestured with a shaky hand between my legs. “They cut me.”

“They cut you?” She paled at my nod, then knelt on the hard floor and carefully lifted my boot. “Will you let me help you, Ary?”

“Mina, I…” I put my hands on her shoulders. “You don’t have to⁠—”

“I won’t hear of it.” She took my hand in hers, squeezing gently. “As long as you’ll let me, I will help my friend.”

I wanted help. I needed him. I needed Gemma or Damond, but Mina was here.

“Okay,” I surrendered, my voice barely more than an exhale. “Thank you.”

I couldn’t watch as she peeled the fabric of my pants off the wounds. I didn’t want to look again.

Mina let out a shocked, tattered cry when the wounds became exposed. She covered her mouth with her hands, eyes wet and wide. “Oh, gods!” Mina held her trembling fingers inches away from the wounds like she was afraid to touch them. If I were her, I’d be afraid to touch me, too. “Ary, I’m so sorry.” She drew in a shaky breath and took a few moments to compose herself. “We’ll clean them up. We’ll bandage them.” Another squeeze of my hands. “It’ll be all right.”

My body would recover. Of that I was certain. As Mina carefully cleaned the wounded skin, I tried to think of anything but the one reality I couldn’t face. But it nagged at me.

He’s gone.

He’s not coming back.

You’ll never see him again.

Stop talking, stop talking, stop⁠—

“You are not those things.” With her thumb, Mina wiped a tear from my cheek that I hadn’t felt fall, then tucked my hair behind my ear. “Do you know that?”

I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “I haven’t done anything with the commander. I know what Gerard and some of them have been saying, but I haven’t⁠—”