Page 100 of The Incendiary

“I know you love me,” she wept. “I know.”

“Then don’t go.” I stroked her rosy, damp cheeks. “Please, just let me love you.”

It was all I had to give her. It was more than I had ever given anyone. It still wasn’t enough.

“If I choose for myself, the world might die,” she shuddered out. “But if I could truly choose, it would be you. Always. And I’m so sorry—” She kissed me, careful and lingering. “—that I have to go.”

I stopped breathing until she made it to the doorway. Until my rage took hold.

“Do you regret this, then?” Bitterness coated my heart in vile, black sludge that wanted to drag life and joy down with it. She stopped in the doorway, and I pressed on, hating myself more with every word. “You’ll go back to your castle and regret wasting your time on a bastard blacksmith who had nothing to give you but sweet words.”

She should have responded with vitriol. Instead, she gave me a soul-shattering look of love, forgiveness, and longing I didn’t deserve.

“I could never regret you. You’ve given me far more than you know.” Her warmth burned straight through the blackness trying to seize my heart and incinerated it to ash. My rage could eat me alive, but it couldn’t defeat her. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” she croaked. As she rushed out of the door, she added, “And the best thing that ever will.”

TWENTY-SIX

ARYELLA

I turned thirty and quickly realized I was running out of time for another chance with you. I was out of options. So, I made the blood oath with Molochai. I did what I had to do—to ensure I would find you again. After all the evil he’s made me commit and the monster it made me, I should regret it. But fuck it, I don’t. And I never will.

—EXCERPT FROM THE BUTCHER OF NYRIDA’S LAST KNOWN LETTERS TO QUEEN ARYELLA I

To give his cadets a taste of home, Elias held a ball in the center hall of the Barracks. On the tenth day of Floris, there was an annual celebration of the gods to curry their favor for a successful crop-seeding and, ultimately, a plentiful harvest comes the following autumn. It was called Reverie, and every year, elaborate weeklong festivities took place in the Caves.

Today was the first day of Floris. Other than the upcoming second test, Reverie was all anyone could talk about.

“I don’t know why Marin sent me an extra dress.” Mina frowned at two luxurious gowns spread out on Mavic’s lower bunk. One was a delicate sky blue with a wholesome portrait neckline. The other was black and sparkly with sheer fabric wrapped around the bodice. “And black? She knows I prefer pastels.”

Mavic earned himself a well-deserved glare from Mina when he plopped down on his bed and caused the dresses to bounce and wrinkle. When I noticed a small, folded-up piece of paper fall to the floor to my right, I snatched it up before the twins could see it.

A few letters were all I needed to see to know who it came from. I’d know that handwriting anywhere.

It was Gemma’s.

Make him cry.

I bit my tongue to suppress a grin.

By him, I assumed she meant Elias. Damond said he would find a way to discreetly tell Gemma my plan. I feared she would be upset with my choices. This convinced me otherwise.

“If you are wearing the blue one, do you mind if I wear the black?” I asked Mina, trying not to sound too eager. “I don’t have a gown for Reverie.”

“Are you sure? That dress is sinful,” Mina said. “Though I know you can pull it off.”

“Anything would look good on Fera.” Mavic shot me a wink, which earned him a laugh.

Mina groaned. “Can I not have a single friend to myself, or will you try to sleep with every single one of them for the rest of our lives? Have you no shame?”

“I do not have any shame,” he answered assuredly.

Mavic sometimes came back to the room at odd hours of the night after meeting up with one of the other female cadets he consistently saw. He wasn’t interested in me. He just enjoyed teasing his sister.

“Of course you can wear it.” Mina gave my elbow a gentle squeeze. “I think we’re about the same size, but my mother taught me everything she knows with a needle if you need me to tailor it.”

Mina went on about all the things we could do with our hair, and while I was content to listen, I found it difficult for my thoughts not to drift to Shera. It had been only three days, but missing her and having no idea if she was close to finding him made three days feel like three months.

“Fera?”