Page 86 of Fallen Hero

I couldn’t shake the feeling something was about to happen, something big, something I wasn’t ready for. Something that would make it difficult to allow Calli to walk away from me.

“Are you happy?”

The way she asked, like she genuinely cared and my answer would either break her heart or fill her with joy, made my gut clench.

“In general, yeah, I’m happy. I’ve got good friends, work that I can’t say I like because the nature of what we do isn’t likable, but it saves lives. I have a bar that gives me headaches, but that has to do with trivial shit, nothing life or death, so it’s easy, most days enjoyable. I live in paradise and drink my coffee on my deck with a view of the ocean.”

Now that the words had left my mouth, was that happy or was that content? Was I missing out on the kind of happiness Jack had found because I’d closed myself off to the possibility of love, or was I playing it smart, choosing a bachelor life over potential heartbreak and a messy end?

I didn’t bother asking Calli if she was happy. I knew the answer to that.

But I was curious . . .

“Right now, are you happy, baby?”

“Yes.”

Straight out, no hesitation. Fuck me, I liked that.

“Good.”

The silence stretched, neither of us filling it. I tried to shove my wandering thoughts back into the box where they belonged, musings of what life would be like with Calli by my side. The fights we’d undoubtedly have because that was us. The woman would drive me crazy. She’d go head-to-head with me and not back down. And why did I find that so appealing? Why did I suddenly want to know what it would be like to wake up and find Calli out on my deck, soaking in the peace of the early-morning rays?

What if she didn’t walk away? What if I could give her the peace she needed?

What if we ended in a disaster, where would that leave me? Emily had destroyed me. Calista betraying me would annihilate me.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Calista’s voice wobbled, causing me to brace for the worst.

I tried to inject calmness I was no longer feeling into my tone, but my answer sounded rough to my own ears. “Sure.”

She didn’t immediately tell me her secret. She cuddled closer, like she was attempting to transfer whatever she wanted to tell me telepathically.

“Calli,” I prompted.

“I’m a virgin.”

Her words were a barely there whisper. So faint they were almost inaudible. There was no way I’d heard her correctly.

“I didn’t hear you, sweetness. What’d you say?”

“I’m a virgin,” she repeated. Then added, “At forty.”

The impossibility of that hit me in the gut, but before I could muster the anger over her lying to me, I remembered her shy, tentative touching. Her barely there tongue touch.

What you tasted like.

I’ve never had a man.

Never had a man, not in a relationship way like we’d been talking about, but physically.

What. The. Fuck.

How was that possible?

“Say something,” she pleaded.

Calli was a virgin, and I’d finger-fucked her twice and eaten her out.