Page 21 of Declan

“Emmy’s pregnant.”

I felt it start, something uncomfortable tingled. It started in my toes until it rushed up my legs, coiled in my belly, grew bigger, and slithered up my throat.

“Pregnant?” I breathed.

Did he not want the baby, is that why he looked so upset?

“We haven’t told anyone because there’s been some complications.”

“What? Then why are you here? You should be with my sister.”

“I should be,” Thad agreed and my heart skipped when he dropped his mask. For the first time, he gave me what he gave Emerson. The real Thaddeus, the man she’d fallen in love with. I thought I’d seen it before, the reason she’d taken a nose dive off a cliff hoping he was waiting at the bottom to catch her. And he had caught her all right—then loved her so hard it broke her when she left him. But seeing him now, I knew I never fully understood what love looked like. Not until Thad’s devastating sadness shone brightly.

“Then—”

“Straight up, Autumn, I’m not being a dick. I appreciate the position you’re in. I know it’s tough on you. And believe it or not, I understand why you’re not ready to reach out to Emerson. And I’d understand if you never found it in you to give her what she wants. But I’m here because this is what my wife wants. Whether you want her love and loyalty or not, it’s yours. She will never abandon the hope that one day you’ll find yourself free of this life. She will give and give until she’s exhausted then she’ll give more. She’s home pregnant, with a risk that she’ll lose the baby, but all she can think about is you. And because of that, she’d rather have me here taking your back than at home by her side. That’s Emmy. That’s your sister. And as much as it pisses me off, I get that, too. It’s part of why I love her so much. Her love knows no bounds. It is abundant, it comes without strings or stipulations.

“The only thing she wants in life is for the ones she loves to be happy. And there’s no end to the love she has for you. So, again, not being a dick, not throwing it in your face, or rubbing salt in a gaping wound you two share, but the only reason I’m here is to take your back and make sure when this is over you’re breathing.”

“She shouldn’t love me,” I blurted out as my armor snapped back into place and a toxic potion of ugliness churned and gurgled in my stomach.

I took a step back and found two steel bands wrapped around me.

No. No. No. No.

Terror shook my body until I felt like I was coming out of my skin.

Restrained.

“No,” I whispered. “Don’t touch me.”

“Baby.” I could barely hear Declan over the roaring in my ears.

The static turned into voices reminding me I was dirty, filthy, owned. Voices turned into visions, beaten, violated, taken, sullied.

Chained. Restrained. Used.

Unlovable.

Visions so vivid I couldn’t make them stop. Men. Groping, touching, taking, pain, blood.

Everything hurt.

“Don’t touch me, I’m dirty,” I croaked. “So dirty it’ll leak onto you. She can’t love me, Thad. Tell her. Tell her that all my filth will seep back into her life. Please, please, please don’t let her. She needs to be clean. I never wanted her to leave you. I’m not worth it, I never was. You’re everything she wanted. Everything good. She’s good. I’m fucking dirty. You need to protect your family. I’m no good. So broken. She can’t fix me. Don’t let me into your life.” My chest was burning, I couldn’t breathe, every inch of me hurt. “Let me go, Declan. Let me go before I ruin you, too.”

“Breathe, Autumn. Settle.”

“Let me go.”

“I’m not letting you go. Slow down and breathe.”

“Let me go!” I shouted, and with what was left of my energy I wrenched myself from his hold and stumbled. “Don’t fucking touch me. Don’t ever hold me down.”

“Baby, I wasn’t holding you down.” Declan put his hands up in surrender. “I was holding you so you didn’t fall.”

So you didn’t fall.

So many voices, so many visions. Buzzing and cracking.