Page 8 of Kyle

“More than I can remember.”

I could see Kyle being a formidable interrogator. He had intense eyes and the way he stared at me made me feel as if he knew more than he was letting on. Which may’ve been why he hadn’t asked me to expand on my answers when I’d blown off a question. I should’ve been grateful, I didn’t like talking about myself. But sometimes closing myself off was exhausting. I’d even held back with Evette and Kalee.

Damn, I missed Kalee. She was so much fun to be around. A kind soul who always made everyone in her presence smile and laugh. I still couldn’t believe she was gone. Even after everything that had happened to me I was still shocked there was so much evil in the world.

“Hey.” Kyle’s hand on mine sparked me back to the present.

I glanced down to where our hands were connected. He’d threaded his fingers between mine and the feel of his touch was startling. How long had it been since I’d had any sort of physical interaction? I couldn’t remember the last time I’d allowed someone to touch me. I wasn’t a hugger, that was for sure. I supposed I’d shaken hands with someone in the last few months, but I couldn’t remember. Not even the children in the orphanage I’d visited with Kalee touched me. Not like they did her. She’d scoop them up and hug and kiss them. Not me, I simply waved. She was always brushing the girls’ hair off their faces and kissing their cheeks while I’d get a washcloth and help them clean themselves.

Man, I was screwed up.

When had I allowed myself to get to this level of disconnected?

“Anaya, are you okay?” Kyle started to pull his hand back, but I held fast. If he pulled away now, I’d lose my courage. “I didn’t mean to—”

“I can’t remember the last time someone touched me,” I admitted.

His hand flexed in mine, and for some stupid reason, I wanted Kyle to understand.

I lifted my gaze from our intertwined hands and locked eyes with him. “It doesn’t take a genius to understand why I have issues with attachments. I mean, I know I’m all kinds of screwed up. But I don’t know when I started retreating to this point.’

“What point are you referring to?” he asked cautiously.

“To a place where a simple friendly gesture is so abnormal, I have to think about it.”

Jeez, could I sound any crazier?

Kyle nodded. “I shouldn’t’ve—”

“Don’t make this weirder than I already am.” I tried to smile and make light of my idiocy. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who’s half nuts.”

Kyle squeezed my hand and shook his head. “You’re not making anything weird and you’re not nuts.”

“Right. That’s nice of you to say, but we both know a normal person doesn’t study joined hands for a full minute trying to remember the last time she actually touched someone.”

Yep, I could sound crazier.

Time to move things along.

“Anyway,” I sighed. “How long have you been out of the Navy?”

“Three years,” he allowed, but hadn’t stopped staring intently at me.

He knew what I was doing and being nice enough to let me. This was just peachy, he was looking at me like I was going to fall apart. And I especially didn’t want him to see me like I was a damaged woman that needed to be handled accordingly. I didn’t want him to know how messed up I was but at the same time, I wanted him to know why. It was confusing and I couldn’t keep all of my contradicting feelings in check.

“Can we forget I said anything?”

“About?”

“The hand…” His smile cut me off mid-sentence. He was being a good sport.

God, he was a nice guy.

“Thanks.”

“Mind if I hold your hand a while longer?”

“No.” I drew the O out curious why he’d want to hold my hand.