Page 24 of AJ’s Fire

“No!” he said so forcefully that Vera and I both jumped. “It’s nothing. Not important. I just have too many stupid notifications set.” I could see Jackson centering himself. “Definitely nothing I would interrupt coloring time for.”

Later that evening after pizza, a cartoon, and a few more newly created works of art, I left Jackson scrolling through his phone, half listening to the football game on the TV while I put my favorite princess to bed. I returned to find two beers on the coffee table and a bag of chips on the couch, where Jackson sat on one side, quickly putting his phone face down on the coffee table.

“Made yourself at home, I see.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while since I was here.” I followed as Jackson’s eyes turned to take in the wall of photos at the far end of the room. “I don’t know how Jamie does it. Every time I’m here, it reminds me of that day.”

I dropped to the couch on the other side of the snack food and cut Jackson off. “I don’t know if I ever really told you, but I hope you know, I don’t think I would have made it through that time without you. Helping out here, putting up with my emotional shit.” I choked up a little, thinking back to when Anna died. Remembering that day, which had been Vera’s birthday party. When I had gotten there, Jackson in tow, all I could think about was how long I would have to stay at the family barbeque before I could bow out, and the two of us could hit up one of the bars in the neighborhood.

Instead, I ended up staying in that very house for the better part of a month. Doing my best to support my brother and his little girl. Jackson right there by my side most of the time.

Jackson put his beer down before responding. “I didn’t do anything. You, man, you really stepped up to the plate for them. Hell, you’re still doing it, babysitting at a moment's notice. Hanging out with the hot moms at dance lessons. Oh my god.” He started to laugh. “Do you remember that time you went on the Explorer Girls campout? You were barely gone twenty-four hours, but you were an absolute mess! Bug bites and poison ivy. Not to mention the marshmallow in your hair.”

And just like that, Jackson had me laughing. “Don’t remind me. Those girls climbed all over me, like, the entire time. I had to draw a line in the dirt just to have enough space to get the campfire started. I also remember texting you that night about how worried I was about Jamie, only to wake up to a picture of the two of you and my brother Vance eating at that diner. You’ve … You’ve been there for me since the day we met, Jax. And I want to be there for you too.”

“You are, Aje. Always have been. You trained me and took me under your wing. My probation year could have been much more difficult if the great AJ Gordon hadn’t befriended the little rich kid.”

I shoved Jackson in the shoulder, and he pretended to tip over, his legs tipping my way and his socked foot brushing my calf. I had been about to tease him about … something, but for some reason all I could focus on was the spot where Jackson had brushed up against me, the whisper of it still on my denim-clad skin.

I was staring at my calf like it was on fire, and I could sense Jackson following my eyes to figure out what was going on. I wouldn’t have been able to explain it to him if he’d asked.

My response didn’t come out in the form of a joke as I intended, but eventually I raised my eyes to his, and he quickly looked toward the TV as if I had caught him staring.

“I get why you didn’t tell anyone up front that you were a Dorso. We do give each other a lot of shit at the station.”

“You’re the first person I told.”

“I still don’t understand why you don’t live in some big mansion.”

“Don’t you think my apartment’s big enough? My parents tried so hard to convince me to live in Manhattan, but I really fell in love with our little community around Station Five. At home, hell, even in the beach house over Thanksgiving, it’s just so big and rambling, and there’s only the three of us. We can go a whole day without seeing each other. There’s literally an intercom system at our house in Scarsdale, for Christ’s sake. I don’t need much. And … can I tell you a secret?”

“You can tell me anything, bro.”

“When I moved here, the thought of having to take care of a place on my own, it was a little overwhelming. Another thing I have to thank you for, actually! Teaching me to cook and clean up the kitchen at the firehouse. Hell, you’re even the one who showed me how to clean a bathroom. Not sure it ever occurred to me that I would have to clean the bathroom when I lived by myself.”

I chuckled at my friend as a play on the screen caught our attention. We watched quietly for a few minutes, sipping our beer and sharing a bag of chips. I marveled that we never once reached into the bag at the same moment or brushed up against each other. It was like I almost wished we had.

At the next commercial, I took up the conversation. “You know I meant what I said, right?”

“The part about scrubbing my toilet with a toothbrush? Yeah, no. I think I figured that one out on my own.”

“I did not …”

“Oh, you did. For such a suave lady’s man, you are sometimes the king of dad jokes.”

“Okay, yeah. That does sound like something stupid I would say. But what I meant …” I dropped my tone, hoping to be serious. “What I mean is that you can tell me anything, bro. It seems like something’s still up with you. It’s all good if you don’t want to hang out and party anymore. If that’s not your scene anymore, more power to you.”

I soldiered on. “I’m worried about you, Jax. And I just … I just want to help. I’m here for you.”

When a phone vibrated this time, it was mine, not Jackson’s. I read the text and flashed my phone toward him.

“He’s on his way. Says he got his patient settled and hopes he can catch a few minutes of the game.”

Jackson stared at the phone and nodded before looking up at me. I could tell he was collecting his thoughts, and I let him.

Eventually, he spoke. “I’m fine, AJ. Really, I’m good. Yeah, I’m done with hookups, and I appreciate you understanding that. I … I miss the part where we hang out, though. Miss spending time with you like this.” He shrugged as if what he’d said was no big deal, but his eyes were anime-cartoon huge.

That puppy-dog look and his words had the muscles of my chest tightening and my stomach swooping once again. My pulse quickened, a visceral reaction to the vulnerable man before me.