Page 20 of AJ’s Fire

I put Guys4Guys back on my phone, though it took me a few days before I added back that picture of my torso.

Coffee Trainer: Gotta take the kiddo to dance lessons. Meet later?

In the past that would have been the point where I would pick a place, and AJ and I would meet after he’d dropped his niece back at home.

Probie: Lessons are at the Y, right? I can meet you there. I love the food at that little Thai place near your brother’s. We could eat after we drop her off? Decide from there where to go.

AJ met me outside at the Y.

“Hey, you didn’t have to come so early. Her lesson just started.”

“No worries. Do we just hang out here and wait for her?”

“No! We wait inside. With all the moms.” AJ waggled his brows.

“Oh, now I get it!”

“Get what? I love my niece and love being able to help my brother out. Oh! He’s gonna join us on New Year’s Eve.”

“Great,” I said noncommittally. It felt like Guys4Guys was burning a hole in my pocket.

AJ held the door open for me. “Dude,” he said seriously. “You have to promise not to laugh in here. Seven-year-old ballet can be really intense.” I laughed, but AJ just kept up a serious stare.

“Noted.” I nodded in assurance.

As we walked down the hall, AJ kept up the conversation. “So, New Year’s Eve. You and Ruth are a nonstarter, huh? Who are you going to bring?”

Though Emily hadn’t come out and said it, I think she thought I would use New Year’s Eve as an opportunity to come out to AJ, to bring a guy. Thanksgiving was over, and I hadn’t even worked up the nerve to chat with one guy anonymously on my phone. An image of sand draining through an hourglass mocked me from behind my eyes as I closed them and sighed.

When I opened them, AJ’s look warmed my heart, his concern for me obvious in his stare. Reining in my sighs was definitely on my list of things I’d have to do if I wanted to go back to hanging out with AJ.

“Keeping my options open, bro. Any hot moms?” I asked right as AJ opened the door to the dance studio, where any number of moms were sitting around the room, watching the kids practice until that very moment, when it felt like all eyes were on me.

“Dude!” I whispered.

“Sorry,” he whispered back.

Vera was focused on her steps, and AJ watched her like a hawk, proud and anxious. I watched him. I’d spent time around him and Vera before, and I loved getting to see that side of him. Family man, protector, guardian. It certainly wasn’t how he acted when we went out together.

While the kids tried to perfect a jump, I elbowed AJ in the ribs. “She’s got this, dude. She’s doing great.”

“She takes it so seriously,” he whispered back. “Vee’s mom … Well, Anna wasn’t into this kind of stuff when we were little.” He waved his hand at the class. “But boy, did Anna take shit seriously. I’m always reminded of her when I’m here.”

“You guys grew up together, right?

“Yeah, I’ve known her and Rose since I was like, seven. It fucking sucks, man. But hey! Jamie’s going out with us again on New Year’s Eve. It should be fun. So what’s the deal? You bringing a date, or planning to play the field that night?”

“I … I don’t know.”

AJ started to look around the room as if to pick out a date for me. I punched him in the arm, garnering us a few angry looks. We sat quietly and behaved for the rest of the lesson.

After dropping Vera off with her dad, we went for dinner at a hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurant on Jamie’s block. We were seated at a table so small our knees knocked as we chatted from opposite sides.

“Where should we go tonight?” AJ asked.

“I might …”

“I’m gonna stop you right there! You never want to go out anymore!” AJ leaned in close as if he could ferret out understanding from behind my eyes. The table was so small that the move put us mere inches apart.