Page 67 of The Fall

“Probably a good idea, Kels,” I yell just before Savannah shuts her bedroom door and wraps her arms around my neck, bringing me in for a kiss.

I love that she wants me like this. She hasn’t seen me for one day, and first I get an “I miss you text” and now she’s trying to climb me like a tree.

The best part is I’m just as desperate for her.

TWENTY-THREE

SAVANNAH

Our second competition of the season is finally here. I’m excited because Max and I have really tightened up a few things in our routine that I think are going to make all the difference.

Unfortunately, this also means that I have to tell Max what’s been going on with me and Logan, whether I want to or not. There’s no way I can keep up our pre-competition ritual of sleeping together when I feel the way I do about Logan. I can’t tell Max I’m just not in the mood. He’ll never believe that. And I can’t imagine being with anyone in that capacity now except for Logan.

He’s completely changed me. Consumed me, really. I’ve always enjoyed sex, but now I feel like I can’t get enough. I don’t know if it’s the act itself as much as the person I’m doing it with. My feelings for Logan are unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. It’s scary, but I like it. And I like who I am with Logan.

So, in an effort not to have a monumental fight with Max right before our competition, I’ve asked him to come to my apartment the night before we’re scheduled to fly out to our next comp.

Logan offered to come and give moral support, but I think this is something I need to discuss with Max, just the two of us. We have a history together, and he is one of my very best friends. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.

By the time he comes through my front door, I’ve got dinner ready and on the kitchen table. Kelsey has agreed to stay in her room and pretend she’s not here. She knows this has a very strong chance of not going well at all.

“Hey, Sav.” Max hugs me and looks over my head to the table. “You made dinner. Wow. What’s the occasion?”

“Well, I bought dinner. I didn’t make it. I just feel like we haven’t seen each other much lately outside of the rink.”

He walks to the table and takes a seat. “I know. This whole working at night thing is killing me, but it’s good money and they’re really flexible with my schedule.”

“That’s great. I’m really happy that you were able to find something like that. I’ll probably need to do that soon, too.”

While we have sponsorships and a few brand partnerships that we post about on social media, it’s certainly not enough to keep us going for very long. Unless, of course, we go to the Olympics, which is the goal after all.

“So, what’s going on with you?” he asks, taking a bite of his food.

I’m dreading this conversation so much. I don’t know how to bring it up. My hands are literally shaking in my lap.

“I, um, actually I need to talk to you about something.”

Max looks up at me and puts his fork down, giving me his full attention. That’s the thing about Max. He’s a good guy. A really good guy. If I ask for something, he does it. If I need something, he gets it. He’s attentive. He’s so sweet, and everyone loves him. It would be easier all around if I were with him.

But maybe I’m not cut out for easy.

“What’s going on, Sav? Why do you look so nervous?”

“Because I am.”

“Is it about the competition?”

“No. No. I feel good about that. Great really. It’s actually about… Logan.”

“As in our coach?” He sighs. “Are you trying to get him fired or something? I thought we were past that.”

“No. It’s not that. It’s… oh god, I’m just going to say it. We’re sleeping together.”

An eerie silence descends over the room. I’m not sure if either one of us takes a breath while Max processes what I just said.

“You’re sleeping with our coach?” he asks slowly.

I nod, trying really hard to hold back my tears. I hate that I’m hurting him. Sure, we had an agreement that we would let the other know if we started seeing someone else, but I really never thought it’d be me. I always thought he would be the one to find someone else. I knew I’d be fine if that were the case, but this? This is torture. I see the hurt in Max’s eyes, and I hate that I put it there.