Page 57 of The Fall

“Is it Olympic confidence?”

“You’re getting there. It’ll happen, Sav. Keep believing in yourself. Keep working hard.”

We talk for a few more minutes about her and what she’s been up to, but eventually I leave, and it’s Max’s turn. I find Logan sitting on a bench by the ice, and there’s just enough room for me next to him.

“Why are you ignoring me?” I ask, ripping the Band-Aid off since I don’t know how long Max will be with Tati.

Logan sighs. “It’s not possible for me to ignore you, Savannah. I wish I could.”

“You are. You haven’t talked to me in days.”

He looks at me for the first time. “I talk to you every day.”

I shake my head. “You coach me every day. You don’t talk to me.”

“I’m trying so damn hard, Savannah.”

I cock my head to the side, trying to understand what he’s talking about. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I can’t stop thinking about you. I wake up every morning wishing I could kiss you. I go to bed every night remembering what you felt like. I watch you skate and can’t take my eyes off you. I want you so damn bad, but I’m trying to control myself.”

His confession is unexpected. He’s seemed so aloof the past few days, I’d honestly thought I did something wrong.

“What if I don’t want you to control yourself?”

“I have to. I’m your coach. I can’t be your distraction.”

“Tati just told me that I’ve never looked more confident on the ice. Maybe you’re the distraction I need.”

He groans. “Savannah.”

“What?”

“You’re killing me here.”

“I’m not trying to, it’s just… I think about all the same things you do. I thought… well, I thought I didn’t care, but it turns out I do care. About you. A lot.”

He looks at me, really looks at me for the first time in days. I’m expecting another rejection. He hasn’t known me for very long, so he doesn’t realize that it’s a big deal for me to care about someone else. I care about my family, of course. And skating. But that’s about it. I’ve never had a boyfriend or any sort of serious relationship. Max is the closest I’ve come, and well, that’s not anywhere near an actual relationship.

Logan sits up straighter, but just as he’s about to say something, Max pops next to me.

“Hey. Ready?” Max asks, completely oblivious to what he just interrupted.

“That was fast,” I say, hoping I don’t sound too upset that he’s back so soon. But really, I could’ve used another five minutes.

He shrugs. “She wanted complaints, and I don’t have any. Not much to say after that.”

I nod. “Right.” I look back at Logan, who is looking anywhere else but in my direction. I guess our conversation is over. “Alright, yeah. Let’s go.”

I take Max’s hand and let him lead me onto the ice.

“Everything ok?” he asks, glancing over his shoulder at Logan.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” I lie. “Must just be in a bad mood.”

“Hmm. Weird. He didn’t mention anything to me.”

Max and I go through everything we needed to work on today, and when we skate back to the exit, Logan is gone. We check our phones and both have a text saying that he had to leave and he’ll see us tomorrow.