Page 48 of The Fall

He leans down and whispers, “You’ve got this, baby.”

I nod, and he subtly kisses my forehead. It’s a simple thing, but it immediately calms my nerves. I step out of his hold and walk to Max. We wait for our names to be called and step onto the ice.

SEVENTEEN

LOGAN

At the end of the competition, Savannah and Max walk away with a silver medal and some great feedback from the judges. More importantly, Savannah got a great boost of confidence. I’ve never seen her smile as big as she did on the podium. She walked out of that rink with a little pep in her step, which is exactly what we needed.

I left feeling a little more confident as a coach, too. Of course, I believe in Max and Savannah, but as a first-time coach, it’s a little nerve-wracking to have my skaters competing. I didn’t want to say anything to either of them, though. It only would’ve made Savannah more nervous if she knew I was also nervous.

I got a text from my mom and Tati after the final results, congratulating me, and it made me feel like I did something right. Finally.

By the time we get home from New York, I’m exhausted. More exhausted than I would have been if I were competing, that’s for sure. As a skater, I only have to focus on doing my job on the ice. As a coach, I’m there to support my skaters but also to network. I talked to more people at this competition than I did at all the competitions I attended last year combined. I don’t have a problem with that, but it’s a lot to be “on” all day for three days straight.

I plop down on my aunt’s couch as soon as I drag my suitcase through the door. Anya is in the kitchen cooking something that smells fantastic, and Mom is sitting on the other couch reading a book. She laughs when I close my eyes and sigh.

“Glad to be home?”

“Yes. It’s been a long few days.”

“It looked like it. Anya and I streamed the whole competition.”

I smile as I turn to look at her. She looks good today. Rested. And most importantly, happy.

“You didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate your support,” I tell her.

“My baby is an award-winning coach his first season? Of course I have to watch!”

I laugh. I’m twenty-seven years old, but I’m still her baby. “My skaters won an award, not me.”

“They put it into a beautiful package, but you’re the one who prepped it all behind the scenes. They should have given you a medal, too. You earned it.”

“Thanks, Mom.” There’s no arguing with her sometimes. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. Really good. Actually, we got some really good news from the doctor this week.”

I sit up a little straighter. “Really? Why didn’t you call me?”

I called her once and texted her every day while I was gone to check in, and she didn’t even mention going to the doctor.

“Because you were busy and I knew I’d be able to tell you when you got home.”

I sigh. “Mom, I want to know this stuff right away. Tell me what he said.”

“Ok, ok. He said my body has been responding very well to the drug and that after a few more weeks of follow-ups, we can start to spread the treatments out so I’m not spending so much time in hospitals. I’ll go every other month for a little bit, and if all is well, we’ll move to every three months.”

“That’s great, Mom. Does he think you’ll be cancer-free?”

Her smile drops slightly, and I kick myself for even asking the question. She’s so excited about this. I should’ve waited to ask my follow-up questions.

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be completely cancer-free, Logan, but we knew that. After the last time, when I thought I was in the clear and it came back, I don’t want to get my hopes up for something that might not happen. I’d rather know that there’s a possibility that I’ll always have cancer but maintain it and keep me living for as long as possible, then I’ll be happy.”

I reach over and squeeze her hand. “That’s what I want too, Mom. I’m so glad this is working out.”

She squeezes my hand. “Me too.”

“I want to go to your next appointment with you,” I insist.