Page 46 of The Fall

She stands up, and everything in me is telling me to pull her back to me, but I don’t.

“Good night, Coach. See you in the morning.”

She turns and leaves my room without a backward glance.

I’m left with no choice but to shove my hand in my boxers and do exactly what she asked me to do. Little does she know, it’s not the first time I’ve pictured her while doing this.

SIXTEEN

SAVANNAH

I’m nervous again.

But this time it’s not for the competition. I’m nervous to see my coach after what I said and did last night.

Did I really take his clothes off and tell him to think about me while he jerked off? Yes, yes, I did. It was completely out of character for me, but the way he looked at me… I know he was drunk, but it didn’t mask the longing in his eyes and the sadness in his voice. It made me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time. It was exhilarating, and I took advantage of it when I shouldn’t have.

I don’t have time to think about that today, though. We have our rhythm dance competition soon, and I have to get ready. I know Logan said this competition isn’t make or break for us, but this is still a national qualifying event, and I want to come out strong.

The skaters are allowed an early morning practice warm-up on the ice if we want it, so I throw some leggings and a sweatshirt on and meet Max in the hotel lobby.

“Morning, Sav.” He pulls me in for a kiss. I stiffen when his lips touch mine. It doesn’t feel right kissing him after what happened last night. Honestly, it didn’t even feel right sleeping with him last night because what I said to Logan was true. I really did think of him the entire time I was with Max, which made me feel really shitty.

Max doesn’t seem to notice a change in my behavior, though, because he’s all smiles this morning. Which is good. I don’t want to mess up his mood before a competition. We’ll talk… later.

“Hey,” I say groggily. It’s early and I’m tired. I’ve never been much of a morning person, even after years of early morning wake-ups.

“You pumped and ready?” he says with a big smile. Gah, how is he so happy and awake this early?

“I’m here and ready to practice,” I say with an eye roll. “Let’s get this done.”

Logan gave Max the keys to the rental car yesterday so we could drive ourselves to the rink. He did offer to come with us, but we don’t need supervision for a quick, optional warm-up anyway.

We drive to the rink in almost silence. He drums his fingers on the steering wheel which annoys me, but at least I don’t have to talk to him yet.

He holds my hand as we walk into the rink. Max has always been very touchy-feely. It doesn’t bother me as much now as it did when we first started skating. He probably doesn’t even realize he’s holding my hand. It’s such a natural thing for him to do. I, on the other hand, notice. And I also notice that I don’t enjoy holding his hand as much as I did holding Logan’s hand. I wonder why there’s such a difference in how a simple hand hold can feel.

We do our stretches and warm up our legs before skating onto the ice. We do our normal warmup and jump right into parts of our routine, but we don’t do the entire routine. That’s what yesterday was for. We work on a few parts, making sure we know where we need to be on the ice at specific times. By the time we leave the ice, I feel ready.

We grab a protein shake on the way back to the hotel and then start getting ready. Max is obviously ready first, so once he’s dressed, he comes to my room to hang out while I do my hair and makeup.

Logan texts us when to meet him in the lobby, so Max and I walk down together. When I see Logan standing there in black dress pants and a white collared shirt, I almost lose my breath for a second. Every time I see him, it’s like I’ve forgotten how good he looks. Now I know what’s under those clothes, too… Well, mostly.

He turns and smiles at us when he sees us. His eyes move from Max to me, and for once, I let myself meet his gaze. Does he remember what happened last night, or was he too drunk? If he does remember, why didn’t he at least text me this morning? Probably because he feels as awkward as I do. God, I’m so stupid.

“Morning, team. You ready?” he asks.

“Yes, sir,” Max says.

“Yep,” I say, looking from him to an invisible spec on my jacket. I can’t look at him without blushing. I practically saw him naked last night, and there was no missing the bulge of his erection as I undressed him. When I slid his pants down his legs, I shamelessly lowered myself in front of him so I could see if it was as big as it felt.

It was.

“Let’s do it then.”

My mind is not in the right place for that statement not to sound dirty coming from him.

Max asks Logan about his night while we drive to the rink, and he conveniently leaves out the part where we ended up in the hallway together. For which I’m grateful. I’d rather talk to Max about that on my own, and not right before we compete.