Page 39 of The Fall

“How long did you skate for?” I ask, like I haven’t already researched everything I could about her because I have no chill.

“Oh gosh. I skated my whole life, really. I only stopped competing after I had Logan when I was twenty-nine. Then I took up coaching.”

“Did you coach Logan?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “No. We talked about it a few times, but I wanted to stay in my lane as his mom. Coaching your own child gets tricky, and I wanted to be there to support him. He was lucky to have some really great coaches along the way, though.”

“That’s really great.”

“Logan tells me you grew up in Nebraska?”

How much did he tell his mother about me? I wonder if he’s told her this much about Max. The weight of his hand on my thigh feels heavier.

“Um, yeah. From a really small town. When I made the decision to start skating competitively, my family moved us here to Colorado so I’d have more opportunities.”

“That’s lovely! And you live with your sister?”

Seems like Logan might be talking about me quite a bit.

“Yes. My younger sister and I share an apartment. We’re pretty close. She’s got two more years left of college, so she’s stuck with me until she graduates.”

“That’s great that the two of you are so close. I look back and always wish Logan had a sibling.”

“Mom…” Logan warns, as if he doesn’t want to dive into this subject. I want to ask why he didn’t get a sibling, but based on Logan’s tone and the fact that he has not once mentioned his father, I’m guessing it’s not a topic he wishes to discuss.

“I know. I know. Just something I think about sometimes. Anyway, we should eat!” She turns to Logan’s aunt. “Anya, is everything ready?”

“Yes. Yes. Just finishing the salad. Go sit.”

Logan grabs my hand (yes, grabs my hand!!) and walks me to the dining room table. I’m so shocked by him openly touching me like this that I don’t know how to act. Max does things like this all the time, but that’s because he knows me intimately and that’s just how we are together, but this…? I’m out of my depth here. Is this how Logan is? He’s never been openly touchy-feely at the rink before.

He lets go of my hand and pulls out a chair for me. I do my best to make sure I don’t look completely shell-shocked as I take a seat. Logan sits next to me while his mom and aunt sit across from us. This feels very much like I’m meeting a boyfriend’s family, and I’m really wishing that Max were here to fill the awkwardness for me like he always does.

Thankfully, dinner is an easy affair where I hardly have to talk about myself at all. Natalia fills the time with stories of Logan’s childhood, Anya mentions something her “idiot ex-husband said to her” (her words, not mine), and Logan reminds his mom about the time she thought she could snowboard and ended up scooting down the slopes on her butt instead. This story makes me laugh, and I end up agreeing to go snowboarding with them this winter like we’re a big happy family or something.

When we’ve finished eating, I move to follow Anya into the kitchen with my empty plate, but Natalia shoos me off.

“No, you two go sit outside. Enjoy the evening. Anya and I will clean up.” She winks at me again, and I’m starting to wonder if she thinks there is something more going on between Logan and me.

Logan intertwines our fingers like it’s normal for us to hold hands and leads me out back to a small couch in front of a fire pit. I sit while he lights the fire. It’s not really needed for warmth, but the ambiance is kinda nice.

Logan sits next to me but leaves a good amount of space between us.

Instead of spewing out my inner monologue, I take a deep breath and calmly say, “Can I ask you something?”

He leans his head back on the cushion, looking completely relaxed. “Mhmm.”

“Did you retire because of your mom?”

He exhales slowly and keeps his gaze on the night sky. “I guess you could say that. She didn’t want me to, but when the cancer came back, she decided to come here and live with my aunt. Then her doctor suggested the clinical trials at the university, and I knew I wanted to be with her.

“Competing takes so much out of you. I know I don’t need to explain it to you, but I felt like when I was skating, my family was the last thing on my priority list. I wanted to be able to put her first. To go to treatments with her and check on her throughout the day if I needed to. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that if I kept competing at the level I was at.

“So, I retired. It was a quick decision for me. I think everyone was surprised, even me, to be honest. But I’d hit every goal I set out to accomplish. I’d won every medal I wanted to. I’m proud of my career as a skater, and now I want to be proud of my career as a coach.”

I wasn’t expecting him to answer so honestly. It takes me a moment to process everything he’s said.

“Coaching isn’t taking as much time away? I mean, you are with us for most of the day.”