Page 37 of Bittersweet Redemption

My throat suddenly feels dry, wondering how he knows that. Even Nick didn’t know that I wanted sex a little rougher, a little dirtier. Every time I tried to suggest something, he just laughed it off, leaving me unsatisfied and wondering if something was wrong with me.

“I. . . I. . .” I’m speechless at his proposition. Do I want to sleep with Kai? Abso-fucking-lutely. But I’m on a date with another man who’s done everything right. There was no way I was going to sleep with Jason tonight, but it still feels dirty to leave a date and go to bed with another man.

“Let me take you home,” he says in a low voice, his lips hovering above mine. Home. That one word makes my body turn to mush. I know we don’t live together permanently, but he’s unlocked my biggest fantasy with one word. I want a family and a home. It’s why I stayed so long with Nick when I knew I should leave.

“I’m on a date. I can’t leave him here. He’s nice.” Kai chuckles and twirls my hair around his finger.

“Nice,” he repeats like the word tastes stale in his mouth. “You don’t want nice. Really, you’d be doing him a favor. You don’t want to lead him on when you aren’t attracted to him.”

“Maybe I am attracted to him.”

“If you were attracted to him, you wouldn’t be back here with me practically panting at the prospect of fucking me.” My face warms because, oh my god, he’s right. “Am I right, Willa?” He tugs my hair toward him until my face is next to his. “I bet if I checked right now, you’d be soaked for me, wouldn’t you?”

I don’t answer. “I asked you a question, Willa. Are you wet for me like you were the other night?”

I close my eyes. “Yes.” I practically choke on the word as it leaves my mouth.

“That’s what I thought. You already know I can make you come.” He nips at my ear as the memory of the orgasm he gave me wracks my body. “Now go tell your date that you have to go.”

“What am I supposed to say?” I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this. This is so unlike me. Jason has been so nice all night, and now I’m about to ditch him because Kai has finally admitted he wants to fuck me. I’m a terrible person.

“You’re good at lying. I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” He releases me and leaves me standing in the hallway. His jab hurts, but he’s right. I’ve learned how to lie over the years, and it’s not something I’m proud of.

I take a minute to collect myself before walking back to the table. Jason’s eyes light up when he sees me, and I feel worse for what I’m about to say.

“Everything ok?” he asks. He must be able to read something on my face.

“Yes,” I say too quickly. “Well, actually, no. My stomach isn’t feeling great.” It’s not a total lie. My stomach is in knots.

“Oh no. Can I get you anything?” He looks genuinely concerned, which doesn’t make this any easier.

“No, I think I just need to go home and rest.”

“Yeah, of course.” Gah, he’s so nice and understanding. The perfect man. Just not perfect for me.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Willa, don’t be sorry about not feeling good. I understand. Maybe we can do this again when you’re feeling better.”

I plaster a smile on and agree even though I know I won’t be going on another date with him. I offer him some money for my half of the bill, but, like a gentleman, he declines my money. I slip out of the booth and walk out to my car. As soon as I exit the building, I see Kai’s car peel out of the parking lot, like he was waiting to make sure I did what he told me.

The entire drive home, my heart pounds in anticipation. This is so out of character for me, but I feel more excited than anything. There’s no scenario where this is a good idea. But I’m not going to make the smart choice tonight. I’m tired of making responsible decisions. I’m going to let this happen because I need an outlet and know Kai can give it to me. I’ll worry about the consequences later.

When I pull into his driveway, he’s sitting on the front step, waiting for me. I get out and walk up to him, stopping right in front of his spread legs.

He looks me up and down like he’s making his final decision. It feels degrading but also turns me on. Having his eyes on me and knowing he could probably be with any woman tonight, but he went out of his way to find me and bring me back here. He chose me.

He stands and walks into the house. Silently, I follow. He locks the door behind me, and we continue down the hall to his bedroom without a word.

When we get to his room, he takes his phone and wallet out of his pocket and puts them on the nightstand. With his back to me, he says, “Take your clothes off.”

I hesitate for a minute before doing as he says and removing each article of clothing. He finally turns around when I’m down to my bra and underwear. The intensity of his stare makes my breath hitch and nerves crawl up my spine. But I don’t let it stop me. I reach behind and unhook my bra. We both watch as the fabric falls to the ground. When I look back up, Kai’s eyes are on my face. We don’t break our gaze as I slide my black lace thong down my legs.

He’s still fully clothed while I stand completely naked in front of him. Part of me wants to hide my body. I wouldn’t say I’m insecure, but having a baby changed me. Kai’s eyes wander over every naked inch of me, and I wonder what he sees and if he likes it. But when I see the bulge in his jeans, I instantly feel more relaxed.

He pulls his shirt over his head but pauses before he undoes his jeans. “Come here.”

I eagerly close the distance between us. “Take off my pants.” I keep my hands steady as I unbutton his jeans and kneel to push them down his perfectly sculpted legs. I run my hands up his legs as I stand up.