Page 16 of The Riders’ Reign

The memories filter back, flitting through my mind like movie montages.

I’d been on a ride out. We were attacked.

My thoughts immediately go to the men I’d been with. What kind of damage was done? Did I lose any of them? My thoughts are too jumbled to be sure what the hell happened. Was Camile hurt?

“Camile…” I force the word through a dry, rough throat.

My daughter squeezes my hand, her touch warm and firm. “No, Dad, it’s me, Ivani.”

She thinks I’m confused—that I believe she’s Camile—but that’s not what I’m trying to say. I want to know… no, I need to know that Camile is safe, and, if she’s safe, where is she?

Other people are in the room now, brought in by Vani’s shout. Nurses buzz around me, checking equipment, then shining an even brighter light in my eyes.

One of them leans over me. “You’re in the hospital, Mr. McGrath. You’ve had an operation.”

The nurse speaks too loudly and slowly, as though I’m an invalid. The tone irritates me, but she’s only doing her job.

I will my body to move, to connect my brain with my arms and legs, and struggle to sit up despite the pain, but a hand presses to my shoulder.

“You must lie still, Mr. McGrath. You have stitches, some that are internal, too. You don’t want to tear them.”

“Jack,” I croak. “Call me Jack.”

No one calls me Mr. McGrath. It doesn’t even sound like my name. Everyone either calls me Jack or Prez.

She pats my arm. “Jack. Sure thing.”

“What happened?” I ask.

“You had surgery, and you’re now back in your room. You were in the OR quite some time. Your doctor will be in soon to explain what happened and talk you through it all.”

I try to look around again. Vani sits on a chair next to my bed. Her face is pale and strained, and she’s clearly worried. I can see she’s holding back while the nurses do their work.

“Where is everyone?” I ask.

The nurse speaks again in that too-loud voice. “You’ve had a lot of people here trying to see you. Seemed like we had a whole biker rally in here at one point. It’s family only right now, though.”

Every word is an effort. “The club are my family.”

“I’m sure that’s true, but we have our rules. Sorry. As soon as you’re a little stronger, we can look at having a couple of people in. Not an entire motorcycle club, though, okay? We don’t have space for those kinds of numbers.”

I’m not sure my guys will pay the slightest bit of attention to their rules, but I keep my mouth shut. The one person I want to see here right now is Camile. Why isn’t she here? Is it just that technically, she isn’t family? Or hasn’t she come for a different reason?

Then I remember, it’s me. I’m the reason she’s not here. Why would she be? I’ve done nothing but push her away, repeatedly. Hell, I’ve done more than that. I’ve pushed her into Ace’s arms. Probably Rook’s and Ghost’s, too.

Before the ride out, they’d all been acting weird. Rook and Ghost were shooting one another strained glances, and Ace and Camile were all sunny smiles that felt too forced when I think back on it.

I lick my lips and swallow down past the raw edges of my throat. Why can’t I remember what happened after that in any detail?

Instead, all I can see when I close my eyes is that dark place I was in before the beep of the machines and the bright overhead lights dragged me back to this room.

The well hovers, still, just out of reach, as if it would welcome me back into that seductive, pain free darkness. I might not remember what’s gone on, or know the extent of my injuries, but I’m pretty sure I just had a brush with death. It puts things into perspective.

I love my daughter with all my being, but when I woke up, there was one name on my lips… on my heart. Hell, she’s damn well stamped on my soul, if I’m honest, and yet she’s not here.

Fuck, I should get over myself and marry that girl. If she was my wife, she’d be my next of kin, and she’d be right by my bedside, holding my fucking hand. Even having the thought of marriage is huge for me. I had a wife, the only woman I promised to love forever, and I let her down. Let her be in the path of danger, failed to keep her safe. For a long time after, I half existed, with only Vani and the club to keep me tethered to this life. It would have been far too easy at times to just end it all, but now there’s someone else, a girl with big brown eyes and a warm heart.

I appreciate Vani being here, of course I do, but my heart aches for Camile.